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   Skuppr (skuppr@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:53 JST Skuppr

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   I know I should probably do the dbt worksheets. I know one of them is about a life worth living. I know. I know. I'm just so tired and it feels so hopeless.

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     novatorine 🏴🏳️‍⚧️ (anarchopunk_girl@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:53 JST novatorine 🏴🏳️‍⚧️

     in reply to

     @skuppr I know you probably don't like me very much but I was scrolling by and saw this and wanted to offer my support. I hope you find things that make you happy. You deserve to be happy, no matter what your trauma might tell you. And fuck the people that decided COVID is over and make things unsafe for everyone else.

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     Skuppr (skuppr@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:54 JST Skuppr

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     It's not like i've never had fun but it takes tremendous effort and like often a lot of planning and idk I am just a very dour person to be around and I know It's The Trauma and my fucked up class-aspirant upbringing (if you work yourself to the bone and deny yourself all pleasures you won't be poor!) but this isn't a life worth living and I don't know how to make it better. Eating food is about my only real pleasure at this point and that's good but it's not enough.

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     Skuppr (skuppr@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:54 JST Skuppr

     in reply to

     Gotta be some of the most ghoulish ways to abuse a child, to alienate them (through both neglect and shame and punishment) from being able to experience joy, or even know what makes them joyful

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     Skuppr (skuppr@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:54 JST Skuppr

     in reply to

     Tbh I think the pandemic might have already killed me. I was already working with extremely constrained variables on this front but white nondisabled ppl in the imperial core have fucked this shit up so bad I can probably just never again exist in the same space as other humans in ways that can be joyful

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     Skuppr (skuppr@kolektiva.social)'s status on Tuesday, 10-Oct-2023 08:27:55 JST Skuppr

     This is kind of embarrassing to say as someone in her thirties but getting through this latest miserable sprint to survival has made me realise that I still don't know how to have fun or a happy life and if I don't find out soon it will probably kill me. How do people do it? How do you know what you enjoy? I slog away in videogames and read the same stupid books I always have and I watch tv and movies and it just tastes like ashes in my mouth and like i'm just waiting for my body and mind to recuperate enough energy to solve problems (be they political or material)