It's not like i've never had fun but it takes tremendous effort and like often a lot of planning and idk I am just a very dour person to be around and I know It's The Trauma and my fucked up class-aspirant upbringing (if you work yourself to the bone and deny yourself all pleasures you won't be poor!) but this isn't a life worth living and I don't know how to make it better. Eating food is about my only real pleasure at this point and that's good but it's not enough.