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   CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 11:41:25 JST CJ Bellwether

   i once matched a non english speaking russian oligarch, who thought i was fucking his daughter, but who i couldnt tell i wasnt fucking his daughter because he would just think i was being a coward and lying, shot for shot of grey goose vodka alone on his yacht surrounded by his security, to the point that neither of us could stand up and i had to be carried off the boat by his daughter and friend in order to as i whispered in her ear "i cant lose face in front of your father".

   For the following half year he continued to call her and mention me as someone he felt she should still consider dating.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 11:43:10 JST CJ Bellwether

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     i want to stress that me being anywhere near a russian oligarch or a yacht was an absurd once in a lifetime novelty as much as me seeing actual white sand beaches for the first time. It was his daughters 18th birthday.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 11:48:20 JST CJ Bellwether

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     they had booked out a whole floor of the Cap-Ferrat for the long weekend birthday, and for some mysterious reason i was booked a kingsized room under Mr and Mrs Siege, which i believe was the father giving his blessing to me and his daughter subtly - but my ongoing refusal to ever declare that i was actually fucking his daughter or to ask his permission to do so, meant up until the vodka moment he became progressively physical to me (again speaking no english) and mocking me in russian.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 11:51:34 JST CJ Bellwether

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     and i put it to you, what are the potential upsides to dating a russian oligarch's daughter?

     1. you might get killed by a goon working for the father

     2. you might break up and get killed by a goon working for the daughter

     3. you might get kidnapped or killed by a goon working for a different russian oligarch

     4. your government might decide you're financially dealing with russian oligarchs

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 11:56:28 JST CJ Bellwether

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     after being carried off the yacht the next thing i remember is we were suddenly in monte carlo at Fashion TV's club "Jimmy Z's" it was empty except two female djs, a cool light up colour square dance floor that ive only ever seen in movies, and 6 booths each with its own billionaire man in a fancy suit each with 2 to 4 young women.
     We wanted to dance, so all the women also wanted to dance, so all the rich billionaire men had to get up and dance too, and there is nothing more hilarious than watching obscenely rich old men try to dance.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:00:34 JST CJ Bellwether

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     i came along because she was a friend, it was her 18th birthday, and was immediately told upon arrival that as i was the only new "guy" there, her father has assumed im her boyfriend.

     i immediately had one goal, surviving.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:10:09 JST CJ Bellwether

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     for those wondering how i knew the daughter, i got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at 16 so had to do a third year of what in the UK we call 6th form, but like the stuff you do so you can go to university. I ended up doing that third year in a random school in cambridge and because its cambridge the birthplace of fancy english stuff, a lot of rich japanese, chinese, russian and korean kids were being sent their by their parents to get english grades so they could go to english universities.

     After the oligarch fiasco, i ended up dating a really wonderful japanese girl who was learning animation. She told me in broken english her dad worked with boats. I assumed fishing.

     3 months later while in japan on holiday with her, wondering how we're staying in such a nice hotel, her english had improved enough to tell me that her dad was a High Admiral of the Japanese Navy.

     Cool, cool, cool. So another father who could casually have me killed.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:23:39 JST CJ Bellwether

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     my "father's who could kill me without issue" misfortune makes more sense if you know that my first ever girlfriend as a clueless teenager, who i dated for 3 years and why i ended up in Cambridge, her father was an Egyptian man who had diplomatic immunity from his job working for the Kuwaiti Embassy - his wife who knew about me agreed that he should never find out that i existed.

     At one point at the age of 17 i had to escape half dressed across two rooftops from her bedroom as he'd come home from work early.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:41:31 JST CJ Bellwether

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     • Joscelyn Transpiring

     @JoscelynTransient yeah a charmed life for sure in some ways, all just because i got knocked off the train tracks of life by an autoimmune disease which basically meant no university would accept me for a standard degree, and i can't physically manage a 9-5 job for longer than 2 weeks before my body will flare up and collapse from lack of rest. Like, you just have ot find other things to do with your time.

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     Joscelyn Transpiring (joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:41:33 JST Joscelyn Transpiring

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     @siege CJ, just gonna say it, your life is truly weird and brilliant and absurd. But also weirdly makes sense for you to have a casually ridiculous life for some reason.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:43:10 JST CJ Bellwether

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     • Joscelyn Transpiring

     @JoscelynTransient youve absolutely made smarter choices. theres nothing fun about fathers than can kill you, and the daughters often are equally dangerous.

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     Joscelyn Transpiring (joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:43:11 JST Joscelyn Transpiring

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     @siege I can say, I have had exactly zero girlfriends whose father's could easily have me killed. I can't tell if that means I've made smarter choices or if it means I've played it too safe in life or truly *live* 😅

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:51:10 JST CJ Bellwether

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     • Joscelyn Transpiring

     @JoscelynTransient Ah well i never knew what i wanted to do anyway, it meant i went to drama school instead, and then clown school so all good. i made a choice to do silly things rather than computer things.

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     Joscelyn Transpiring (joscelyntransient@chaosfem.tw)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 12:51:12 JST Joscelyn Transpiring

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     @siege oof, yeah, makes sense. Honestly, kinda fucked up that universities and schools wouldn't accommodate you, and makes me want to rant on your behalf. And definitely can imagine you wish things were otherwise, apologies if I implied minimizing how much the autoimmune stuff sucks, because yeah, it does so much.

     Wish you could have the chance to get something semi normal some day. At least, appreciate you sharing yourself and your life with us all and letting us share ours with you 💜

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 13:14:00 JST CJ Bellwether

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     • Danielle Crawford

     @aizuchi i dont know who that is but thank you

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     Danielle Crawford (aizuchi@hachyderm.io)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 13:14:01 JST Danielle Crawford

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     @siege this is amazing. Like, Nikolai Dante amazing. Wow!

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Wednesday, 27-Sep-2023 13:26:55 JST CJ Bellwether

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     oh also the only reason i managed to drink 9-10 shots of vodka over an hour (with blinis) and won the respect of the oligarch father, was because when i got diagnosed with the autoimmune disease i was specifically told i couldnt drink any alcohol that was still fermenting (no beer, no wine) and to stick to clear spirits so for the four years prior i had had the good fortune to have drunk nothing but vodka.

     life finds a way.

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 28-Sep-2023 00:48:41 JST CJ Bellwether

     in reply to

     • Sylvhem

     @Sylvhem yes absolutely, the dude was legitamately terrifying in phyiscal presence alone but adding to it the situation, his assumption about me and his unlimited wealth and power yeah no question. If i mistakenly went missing in the mediterranean sea theres no recourse any european country would have taken.

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     Sylvhem (sylvhem@eldritch.cafe)'s status on Thursday, 28-Sep-2023 00:48:42 JST Sylvhem

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     @siege Like, for real? I mean, were you really afraid about what could happen?

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     CJ Bellwether (siege@octodon.social)'s status on Thursday, 28-Sep-2023 00:52:12 JST CJ Bellwether

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     • Sylvhem

     @Sylvhem i mean put it this way, im still being sure not to say anything derogatory about him even in this story now.