Kim Crayton ~ Her/She
It’s so funny how much of the “Mastodon is better than twitter” narrative I’m exposed to when my experience here, doesn’t feel much better…just all manner of white folx telling me what to do 🤦🏾♀️
“If you don’t like X then do Y”
As a Black woman, being here feels so much like every other white dominated space I enter offline…a bunch of do-gooders with LOTS of opinions AND no DEMONSTRATED behavior of helping to change the issues I’m addressing…so…useless…like every other day ending with a “y”
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
Well, you could start by actually reading the post you’re replying to!
Nouscat
@KimCrayton1 So... What would you like us to do?
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
Yeah, it’s frustrating to mean well and still get biteback when you speak. I’ve been there too. It stings.
That’s an especially hard situation to avoid when you’re communicating with somebody whose nerves are already kind of rubbed raw — which is common in online spaces, and very common with people who’ve experienced marginalization, harassment, etc.
If you would like — but only with your permission — I could share what advice on the interaction above I can offer from my own learning.
Nouscat
@inthehands I did, but I'm confused right now because everytime I feel no matter what I do it's wrong... That is why I ask what we can do instead of just suggesting something. And I mean well.
Nouscat
@inthehands Yes please, I'm quite new to Mastodon, not living in the U.S. but I do understand the anger and dissapointment. And was wondering what we can do from within the Mastodon community to make a difference.
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
OK, I’ll do my best!
One easy piece of Masto advice: reply less. I describe my rationale and practice for that in this thread: https://hachyderm.io/@inthehands/109847524655671130
In the case of your reply above, the trouble is it’s completely ambiguous: it can read either as (1) an offer to work, or (2) as a demand for explanation / self-justification / labor. And Black people on Masto experience a •lot• of (2), so of course that’s the more probable reading for Kim — even though it’s not your intent.
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
Of course. And coming with her priors, it is unsurprising that Kim will hear (2). And honestly, it’s not her job to understand, or our place to demand that she understand. She deals with enough crap on here already, I’m sure. Her cognitive plate is full.
But, you want to help! You want to learn! So how can you ask a question like yours without intruding? Well…
Nouscat
@inthehands Ok, I meant 1.
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
An approach seems to work well in Mastodon’s structure + culture: instead of replying, create a separate post asking for advice. For example:
“I’d like to help solve the problem this person describes. [link] What can we do to help? I’d appreciate any advice!”
Somehow asking for advice in a post to your own TL just comes off really differently than asking for it in a reply to someone else.
Not a 100% rule, but it’s served me well.
Nouscat
@inthehands Thank you, that's helpful. 👍 Taking it to heart
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
Thanks for being willing to consider advice. Thank you also for being so gracious when my initial reply was snippy and rude. Above and beyond. 🌈
One last bit of advice I try to follow myself, and then I’ll relent: if you see somebody complaining about something you’d like to help fix, follow them! There’s a good chance their subsequent posts well provide context, maybe even actionable advice. And it will feel good for them!
Nouscat
@inthehands I'm very grateful for your explanation actually and I didn't find it snappy at all. ☺️ You put so much effort in it. And I know there is still a lot to learn for me here. So thank you for your patience with me. 👍
Paul Cantrell
@Nouscat
I’m so glad, and I hope it ends up being helpful advice. We are all here for each other! See you around the Fediverse. 🚀
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