Notices by Girl on the Net (girlonthenet@mastodon.social)

"That simple arm squeeze caused a flash flood in my cunt."

This time last year, an advice guide on how to give sexual feedback that also doubles up as #porn. https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sensitivity-training-sexual-feedback/

My sponsor Splashblanket has a sale on at the mo and you can get a sexy dark red waterproof sheet for £23. Great if you like to come everywhere while you're fucking.

https://splashblanket.co.uk/collections/sale?rfsn=7963769.03fb4c

I know it isn’t made with semen, but something about the texture is incredibly cummy.

Accidentally picked up one of these stealth protein coffees instead of a normal one 🤮

When I am king I will make it so all this stuff has to have a big red warning sign on it to prevent these errors.

Don’t forget Jesus died for our sins so make sure you ramp up the depravity today, show the little fella it was worth his while ❤️

Absolutely terrible decision by the UK Supreme Court, just harmful dogshit.

For Women Scotland don't speak 'for women' - just the tiny percentage of bigots who want to have a good look inside your knickers before you go for a piss. The ruling will harm them as well, but they're too thick to realise.

There is no fair/caring/equitable world in which women have to prove our 'biological sex' before we access toilets (or other services). No fair world with gender police. Fuck all the way off.

@goatsarah new level of pockets unlocked!! 🥳

I was nervous about getting back on my bike again (I am meant to be training for a London-Brighton but have so far done nothing), but I did it today and it was AMAZING and I felt POWERFUL and GREAT.

The moral of the story is I should just get on and Do The Thing.

FYI @neil is an actual lawyer so when he tells you that it's 'beyond criminal' that I don't have a boyfriend, he is speaking in a very strict, expert legal sense and you're all under arrest.

https://mastodon.neilzone.co.uk/@neil/114252812155789651

Good condom practice, being complimentary (without being a skeeze), and other things that mean women are more likely to recommend you as a casual sex partner...

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/fuck-referral-network/ #archive

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/fuck-referral-network/

The problem with dates is that if I have fun how do I know if it’s because the boy is fun or because I am fun enough for both of us?

I’ll be honest, I’ve had this problem in some relationships too.

"It’s hard to put yourself out there. It’s a challenge to be vulnerable. But you do have to do it if you want to get a date."

NEW BLOG! Remember when I said I'd do test #dates with blog readers & give feedback? Someone volunteered!

Meet Jack!

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/test-date-blog-reader/

#dating #relationships

Have you got a spare five minutes to help me test something?

[Note - it involves clicking a link that goes to adult content]

If you're up for it, please could you click this link: https://www.girlonthenet.com/audio-porn/ [ADULT]

And try to hit 'play' on some of the audio. Then reply to this post with

a) whether playing the files worked and
b) what country you (or your IP address) is in

Much appreciated, thank you <3

Three things in life are certain:
- death
- taxes
- if I tell Toyboy I'm having a tough time, he will always offer to send me donuts

(I never accept the donuts, but I always enjoy the offer)

If I’d read more tales like this when younger, not only would I have felt less alone when the same things happened to me, I’d have had the confidence to say ‘no’ a bit more often.

#ICYMI, yesterday's blog...

https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/talk-yourself-out-of-a-fuck/

#Dating #relationships #sex

Oh for fuck’s sake

RE: https://mastodon.social/@arstechnica/114004428801284512

A lot of people saying ‘ah but human erotica is better, so it will be OK!’ and I’m so sorry to say I don’t think it will be. Using computers to write porn (or any art) is never part of a noble quest to Make Better Art. It is a quest to make Passable Art That Generates Money. It will suck the money (and attention) from sites/books/videos created by people. The soul gets drowned out by the slop.

Top fantasies in 2025:
1. Threesome
2. Bondage
3. Someone pinning you down and entering you really slowly while whispering into your ear ‘hey, don’t worry, everything’s OK. It’s 1999 again.’ And as you reach powerful climax you realise actually yes they’re right. It’s 1999 again . The jeans on the bedroom floor are Criminal Damage ones, your boyfriend smells like Joop!, and everything’s gonna be OK.

I met a parrot today yay!

She did not like me one single bit lol!

Winter is the best time to learn this incredible trick to blow your partner's mind in bed.

Entirely non-sexual. Just magic.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/one-weird-trick-to-blow-their-mind-in-bed/