Notices by Alice McFlurry :bc: (alice@beige.party), page 11

When does the CyberTruck finish rendering?

Normalize saying "I don’t know enough about the topic to be able to comment."

[Trying to flirt with my childhood crush]

“So, is there a Mrs. Wizard?”

I don’t know why everyone is so hung up on gender. I just want to know you're going to go down on me and then we're good, okay?

@StefanThinks I never punch down because I’m shorter than most of my haters.

I wish Americans took COVID half as seriously as their Black Friday sales.

Boss: Why is your work only 80% complete?

Me: Oh, yes! There’s a very good explanation for that.

In my last performance review, you noted that I was exceeding all expectations, but that you were only giving me a 4 out of 5 because you “never give 5s” because “there’s always room for improvement.”

As a result, I’ve taken the initiative to deliver at 4/5 capacity to ensure I’m performing according to your expectations.

As we’ve already established, I’m easily capable of performing at and above 100%, so please let me know once you’ve adjusted my performance rating to a 5 and I will adjust my performance accordingly.

Request for a vibrator that will abruptly pause right when things start getting good and say "do you like that?" just to keep things consistent.

My husband and I don’t fight very often, but one thing we do fight about is how he calls aluminum foil "tin foil" and he's like "IT'S THE SAME THING!" and I’m like "bruh, they are completely different metals, so please go consult the periodic table I've hung above our bed."

Proposition for a new and more accurate shipping status called:

"Label printed. Will probably sit on a desk for a couple of business days and THEN we'll start packaging your order."

Some people have said it seems as if more people have moved over to Bluesky, but I haven't noticed a decrease in activity which makes me proud because it means I've been associating with the right kind of people.

Shouting "do I need to remove the lid before microwaving this can of soup?!?" just to see how fast my husband can run.

If I've learned one thing from Mastodon, it's that Star Trek fans are surprisingly sexy.

Every room is a panic room when you have anxiety like mine.

Gonna go out trick or treating because I'm running low on razor blades.

I wonder if the the members of Hoobastank unanimously agreed on that name.

Reason #685 why I love @KevBot:

This is how he lays out his "outfit" for the day.

Julius Caesar would be proud to know that his legacy lives on in a salad.

Alice McBratty is at it again.

My coworker named their baby Vanity and I’m too embarrassed to ask if they were named after the deadly sin or a piece of bathroom furniture.