Notices by mr. stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party)

a sleeping three-year-old is the perfect weighted blanket

since the debate over accurate casting in movies has come up again, i would like to point out that none of the actors who have portrayed superman ever possessed the ability to fly.

first of all, i am insulted you doubt my kindergartner was the one who wrote his report on mlk jr, and secondly, it’s not a conspiracy theory, it’s well-documented that the fbi was involved in his assassination.

i heard they are planning a really big boycott, some are even saying it will be a mancott

greg bovino can finally return to his true passion at his old job as a monster npc in wolfenstein 3d

i nominate the city of minneapolis for the next nobel peace prize

democrats are like “should we denounce the agency protested all over the us and even some trump supporters say is too violent? nah, let’s remind voters of how they are pretty much the same level of broke as they were when we were in control but for slightly different reasons and offer no solutions”

i think my 2yo is going to become a shitposter, he just said the “knee is the knuckle of the leg”

vaccines cause adults

oh, you’re passionate about things i’m not interested in? loser

*takes a drag* yeah, i was there for the protein wars. august 14, 2019. in the outback. me and the boys were enjoying a bloomin’ onion, that’s when the assault happened. the waitress brought out my filet mignon, it was overcooked! i didn’t want to be a bother, so i asked for a1. *cries* a1 man!!!!!!

our friends’ friend was recently deported, the agents were stalking his workplace and following the employees around for a week before they grabbed him and his coworkers up and dropped them off at a random place in mexico after stealing their money and phones.

hot wine moms in your area want to abolish ice

if it’s called DE-odorant, shouldn’t it remove odor instead of mask it with a scent?

cvs employee: i already gave you your money back. you can keep the stick, we are not allowed to handle it. there is a tuft of armpit pubes sticking out the cap, it is illegal to be on these premises.

i used to think that shocking and surprising were synonymous, but i was wrong because every day is shocking but not surprising

i don’t think the intention of noting the victim’s citizenship is to imply that one life is more valuable, but rather to shake anyone out of complacency and apathy if they assumed their passport would shield them from the violence and brutality of their own government

yes, i get it, every new atrocity is a distraction from the previous atrocity. an atrocious nesting doll if you will. don’t worry though, i can be appalled at the cumulative sum of all the atrocities.

everyone thinks they’re a fred, wilma, or barney, but they’re the animal that gets used as a plunger and then quips ‘eh, it’s a living.’

it is beyond my comprehension how hibiscus tea is not more popular

someone should write a social media post about how he’s not allowed to do that