Notices by Stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party)

Putting my kid to bed, he said he couldn't sleep bc he wanted to dig a hole in the back. I told him it wasn't safe bc spiders and snakes like to come out when it's dark. He said, “ok, but don't dig without me”. And I was like “look here, I'll dig wherever I want, whenever I want” and stormed out.

I, for one, would not recognize my company's ceo or head of hr if they rear-ended me and we exchanged insurance information.

People saying it's impossible Colbert’s show was canceled by CBS for financial reasons because his show had the highest ratings are wrong. Placating the president so he will approve their acquisition by Skydance for $8 billion is a purely financial decision.

I'm going to start making those ads that say, “Read these 10 books that the wealthiest CEOs read!” When someone clicks the ad, the list will include titles from authors like Tom Clancy, John Grisham, and Danielle Steel.

One time, I was in line at the grocery store, and Zohran Mamdani asked if he could go in front of me because he only had three items. I said okay, but then I noticed he actually had twenty items: a can of corn, a pack of 14 Orbit gum pieces, and five bananas.

The sweetspot for a real real shitposter's timeline is 50% mutual reposts, the closer to 0, the closer to narcissistic egoist, the closer to 100, the closer to clout chaser. Sorry, I don't make the rules I just made up.

it's just like the story of the tower of baby yell foretold

Please give a warm welcome to these awesome people who just joined Mastodon and beige.party and give them a follow if silly shitposting is your cup of tea! 🫶

Beige bless 🇧🇧

@trickykat
@jasontheaverage
@gregthemiller
@Lazurwoolf
@blairloudly
@demandavoider

It’s hard for younger people to understand Jimmy Swaggart because he was from a different socio-political era when scandals involving prostitution and war crimes could temporarily negatively impact your career, as opposed to now, where they actually improve it.

They should make a website where strangers can verbally attack and insult you to tell you they disagree with your opinion.

The horrors persist but I still have to go to work.

I just heard about this musical group called Bob Vylan and it is very concerning. When people ask me what I'm doing, I say “Chillin’ like a villain on penicillin with Bob Dylan.” Now, I have to update it to add them, but that's basically rhyming villain with villain.

[Spiderman lassos me, a supervillain, restraining my arms to my torso with his web and then suspends me from a street light so I can't get away]

Me: Wow, this feels great on my back!

We did an online rental of the Wild Robot last night, so guess what movie my wife will be watching on repeat for the next 33 hours.

We did an online rental of the Wild Robot last night, so guess what movie my wife will be watching on repeat for the next 33 hours.

in a 6-3 vote, the supreme court has agreed to change its name to the inferior court

i just renewed my car registration *before* it expired. now I have something to add to my annual performance review at work.

The ceasefire didn't even last long enough for the US to get the Mission Accomplished banner down from the attic.

My hips don't lie, but they may omit information.

What all the dystopian end-of-times fiction got wrong was how cringe it would be.