Notices by Stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party)

My five-year-old keeps asking for protein drinks but I tell him I don't think that's a good idea (I don't want him to bulk up and get swole so he can kick my ass when I tell it's bedtime).

An interesting thing about the war plan messages is how often they mention Biden and Europe, showing the decision wasn't about military necessity but about petty political grudges. It's like Mean Girls controlled bombs and assassination drones.

In Australia, Toyotas drive on the left side of the road because of the corolla effect.

Now that Teslas have more rights than people, they are going to be able to vote.

When I was a kid, we didn't have all these ridiculous laws about car seats and seatbelts. My friends and I would just ride down the highway in the back of a pickup. God rest their souls.

Me: So then the US president proclaimed that a brand of cars are protected by laws against hate crimes.

George Orwell: Man, what are you smoking? Get the fuck out of here!

I just planted some veggies in my prepper garden. Now, I’ll be ready for the apocalypse as long as it doesn't come too soon or last more than 2-3 days.

Is it just me or has the US Postal Service been slow and erratic lately?

I’ve been waiting for a package that was supposed to arrive in 3-5 business days for over 2 weeks. Some other packages en route are taking days to get picked up and for processing, and they seem to be taking the scenic route.

Guy holding up a chainsaw to gloat over massive layoffs and dismantling of checks and balances to enrich himself: What did lil ol me possibly do to make evewyone so angwy?

Tell your mom some weird guy on the internet she doesn't know says hello.

My kid saw your post about what your kid said and said “Yeah, that happened!”

RFK Jr doing an interview while prominently displaying Sangre del Tigre gas station boner pills in frame and advocating for using dog saliva to treat open wounds.

A house where every surface is a Murphy bed.

I'm sharing this even if it's embarrassing because I thought it couldn’t happen to me. I fell in love with someone as soon as I saw her pfp, radiating beauty. Unrequited. I was desolate, so I clicked on her pfp to see the larger version and realized it was a dog’s tail wearing sunglasses. Deception!

Why don't we eat flamingos? Because the meat is too pink.

It's like we are living in the Planet of the Apes but instead of apes it's bigoted bullies.

Don't act surprised if I contradict myself, I change my mind all the time when I find information that is new or makes more sense.

Chase Manhattan? Um, Manhattan's a borough, it's not that fast, it's not going anywhere. Easy to catch.

Microdosing being non-American by staying up at 3:30am so my feed is nothing but news and rants about politics in another country(Australia).

“Groceries are becoming increasingly expensive. People can't afford basic necessities.”

Let them drink poop.