Notices by Stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party)

i miss the good old days when nobody knew or gave a shit who the ceo of a company was

Make sure you check what your kids are watching online. I caught my two-year-old watching a YouTube video of an elderly laughing asian man in a tiny bathtub full of flowers, and my kid got very upset when I changed it.

My house would be so much cleaner if you could pressure wash indoors.

I reject your rules. It’s Enchilada Tuesday.

I came here to eat crab rangoons and post bangers and I've never posted a banger in my life.

Let’s start our own political party that doesn’t
dickride the filthy rich.

Don't destroy the piece of you that is cringe. Destroy the piece of you that cringes.

Ugh, I keep writing Pope Francis on all my tithes!

I bet Abraham Lincoln wore a stovepipe hat because he was being Ratatouille'ed by a ferret (also wearing a stovepipe hat).

I miss the good old days before I realized everyone in charge was a piece of shit.

I’m working on solving one of the most complex mathematical equations known to humanity: the perfect tortilla chip to queso ratio to allow you to finish both at the same time.

My only god is the step tracker.

Spouse Math

“You ate the snack I was saving for later” = divorce

“I ate the snack you were saving for later” = You snooze, you lose

I think a good villain superpower would be sinkholes because no one ever questions or investigates them. People will be like, “Well, the earth just randomly swallowed up Ron. I guess God works in mysterious ways.”

Once you start snow skiing, it's all downhill from there. It's a slippery slope.

In England, air fryers are called air chippers.

Happy Earth Day, Earth, I got you these microplastics and greenhouse gas emissions! 🎁

Don't talk to me until I've had my morning bucket of spaghetti.

I need a memento style tattoo that I should change the filter on the hvac in the spring before my kids and I get really bad allergies.

We wouldn't be in this mess if we replaced money with pine cones as legal tender like I said, but nobody listens to me.