Notices by Stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party)

I miss the good old days before I realized everyone in charge was a piece of shit.

I’m working on solving one of the most complex mathematical equations known to humanity: the perfect tortilla chip to queso ratio to allow you to finish both at the same time.

My only god is the step tracker.

Spouse Math

“You ate the snack I was saving for later” = divorce

“I ate the snack you were saving for later” = You snooze, you lose

I think a good villain superpower would be sinkholes because no one ever questions or investigates them. People will be like, “Well, the earth just randomly swallowed up Ron. I guess God works in mysterious ways.”

Once you start snow skiing, it's all downhill from there. It's a slippery slope.

In England, air fryers are called air chippers.

Happy Earth Day, Earth, I got you these microplastics and greenhouse gas emissions! 🎁

Don't talk to me until I've had my morning bucket of spaghetti.

I need a memento style tattoo that I should change the filter on the hvac in the spring before my kids and I get really bad allergies.

We wouldn't be in this mess if we replaced money with pine cones as legal tender like I said, but nobody listens to me.

Once I posted that I always clap for someone performing on stage(unless hateful obvs) and some lady started arguing she won't if they weren't good because she doesn't want to give people false hope. Ok, calm down, no one is moving out to LA because Agnes from HR clapped.

Like god forbid someone be encouraged to keep doing something they are passionate about and mustered up the courage to share because you think it's a waste of their time like you are some roman emperor giving thumbs ups or downs.

Using slurs and hate speech makes you a bigot, it doesn't matter who you voted for or if they won or lost. Don't normalize it.

Did a woman’s post about men personally attack your feelings? Were you obligated to tell her why generalizations are wrong? You may be entitled to compensation. Dial 1-800-BUTT-HURT

Son: Daddy, who do you love more? Me or my brother?

Me: Well, I love you both equally in your own unique ways. For example, your brother is cool as hell.

I used to think it was oversimplistic and naive, but I guess there is truth in the song: money can’t buy you love.

It's shameful and horrific how we are sending innocent people to secret prisons and depressing how the general US population is apathetic about it. We cannot allow mistakes or collateral damage when human lives are at stake.

Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.
Bring Andry back home.

https://www.newyorker.com/news/annals-of-immigration/the-makeup-artist-donald-trump-deported-under-the-alien-enemies-act

Happy April Fool’s Day! The executives at Poor People Bone Broth Inc. will be releasing a whimsical and outlandish press release later today that we paid a marketing agency to create to pull one over on everyone and prove that we are human and have a human sense of humor just like all you humans do.

Good news: IT security has implemented a new single sign-on process for all employees

Bad news: Signing on is the single activity you will be doing for the entire day.