Notices by S.T.E.F.A.N. (stefanthinks@beige.party)

I found out I’m really good at Minecraft because when unknown people come into my vicinity, my natural reaction is to go dig a hole and hide in it doing mindless tasks until they go away.

them: does your dog bite? 
me: um, yeah, that's how he breaks his food up into smaller pieces so he can swallow it

If they put his face on my passport, I’m calling it an assport

it's wild that he apparently has the worst agents in secret service history. 

"should we beef up security because of, you know, what happened last time?"

"nah, what are the odds it is going to happen again?"

If you buy 10 fake assassination attempts, the 11th one is free.

lol, I was trying to figure out if RFK Jr goes by Bobby so I searched google for “what do people call RFK Jr?” and it said “microwaved mel gibson” ouch

keanu reeves being a nice guy is like the only thing left that hasn't been proven to be fake. if i ever find out that was a lie, i swear to god, i will lose it.

strait of hormuz to be renamed schrodinger's strait

If I was clavicular's dad, I would be like "hey, clavicular needs to get a real jobicular, and maybe try rawdog finally helping with the house once in a while by giving dishwashmaxxing or vacmogging the living room?" and that's the moment he starts coming up with a plan to collect my life insurance.

JD Vance better not piss Ms Rachel off, she will make his guyliner run.

You might think Daft Punk eat batteries and oil for lunch because they are robots, but they are French, so they eat cigarettes and wine.

Mic drop? Do you know how much that mic cost? We’re on a waitlist for new mics and now we won’t have a mic for three months, thanks to you! Wow, you really emphasized your point by shutting down the venue for the foreseeable future.

To all the people asking why did Swalwell have to resign if Trump is allowed to hold office: it’s because our goal should be 0 sexual predators holding office, not more. Hope everyone can agree on that!

Please, Mr. Thinks is my father’s name, call me Mr. King Boss Bitch Thinks!

“I don’t have a dog in this fight.” – reply guy who has been sealioning you for the last two days

We are making some important updates to our Terms and Conditions, Terms and Conditions of Use, User Agreement, and Privacy Policy. Pray we do not update them further.

Since we are entering end days, I've decided I am going to start openly wearing my fedora. I can no longer live in fear of being labeled an incel. I respect women, I just have an appreciation for swanky head accoutrements.

Since we are entering end days, I've decided I am going to start openly wearing my fedora. I can no longer live in fear of being labeled an incel. I respect women, I just have an appreciation for swanky head accoutrements.

*jorts go out of style*

Person who wanted to call them sheans instead: I told you nobody would get it!

The greatest trick the Christ ever pulled was faking his death for three days to collect the insurance.