Notices by Stefan (stefanthinks@beige.party), page 2

My wife got a $50 gift card for Whole Foods, so we were able to share a banana.

Reverse cowgirl? Ok, lrigwoc, now what?

You abruptly turned down the invitation to my improv group's show, but you didn't let me explain the concept. We are also a ska band, perhaps this new information will sway your decision.

Everyone wants to live in a commune until they realize a lot of other people live in a commune.

The late worm avoids the birds.

I just saw some guy on here who seriously thinks he's Jesus. I told him happy belated birthday.

It's so lame my psychiatrist refuses to prescribe a medication variety sampler pack.

Me: my stripper name is Honey Mustard Lexus.

Friend: hahah, did you take one of those funny online quizzes to find your stripper name?

*I lift my shirt to reveal a large belt buckle that says “Chippendale’s National Pole Goblin Championship 2006”*

Me: Does this look like an online quiz to you?

If I were a brain surgeon, I would wear a cap that says, “Pobody’s Nerfect. That's why pencils have erasers!” to surgeries so the vibe wouldn't get too serious.

When I take my unruly dogs for a walk and see someone with a well-trained dog, I imagine them as the snobby kids from the rich summer camp and us as the ragtags from the ne’er-do-well camp who win the talent show because what we lack in joyless technicality, we make up with heart and gumption.

My New Year's resolution is to simply decide to stop having ADHD. 🤡

I guess they solved the problem of high egg prices by stopping selling them.

Florida banned pornography? The dong of America?

*checks progress on New Year resolutions*
Well, I guess there's always 2026.

I have never seen Godfather because I'm not Catholic.

They should invent a back that doesn’t hurt.

Home Alone alternate theory that the “burglars” are time travelers sent back in time to prevent the sadistic Kevin McCallister from becoming the world's most prolific serial killer.

The internet is so weird. You can say something like “eating boogers is gross” and someone else, instead of just seeing it and keep scrolling, cannot resist the urge to tell the world they eat boogers, defend booger eating, and try to convince you that need to start eating boogers.

I have a doula joke, but I need help with the delivery.

“The problem with posting poignant societal insights that your toddler makes is that no one believes they really said it, and I think that speaks a lot about the cynicism of society.” – my toddler