Notices by MostlyHarmless (mostlyharmless@thecanadian.social), page 5

My parents never allowed us to play violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a lead pipe?”

Anyone who claims events are staged using "crisis actors" who then keep their part in the conspiracy totally secret has clearly never worked with actors.

Exercise is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself.

Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials; we chose sides long ago.

It says something about the society in which you live when pizza arrives at your house before the cops and paramedics do.

I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.

How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.

Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was?

I too have decided to veto all bills that come across my desk.

When you think about how big the Earth is, and then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.

I can count on one hand how many times I have visited Chernobyl. It's 14.

A woman from Italy told me it’s fine to eat pasta all week as long as I eat only lasagna on weekends and I’m seeking no other nutritional advice at this time.

"What Orwell failed to predict is that we'd buy the cameras ourselves, and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching." - Keith Lowell Jensen

When I was a kid I had to use the Oxford dictionary to understand adult words. Now I'm an adult and have to use Urban Dictionary to understand what the kids are saying.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum. So I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

It's some sort of Anarchist plot.

Twenty years from now, kids will think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're going to have to explain it as a product of its time. “You see junior, it used to get cold outside…”

The moral of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Being different from society will be punished, unless it's exploitable.

The world would be such a better place if pants actually did catch on fire when one lied.