Notices by Bæ Grylls (theauracle@queer.party)

Long story short, I may have a second disease and it's even rarer than the rare blood cancer (Langerhan's cell histiocytosis) I got diagnosed with in December 2023. It's called Erdheim-Chester disease, a multi-system disease currently considered a form of non-Langerhan's histiocytosis. I will need two more biopsies performed starting with the lymph node under my left armpit. Chemotherapy is inevitable but we need more molecular data behind what the PET scans flagged in April first and foremost. The journey to remission definitely got complicated and I've had to take a lot of time to process this before sharing on the socials... but I will continue to be brave and fight on. More as I have it. 🙏🏿🫡

@stevegis_ssg Thank you!

Small small rendition of me singing Killswitch Engage's "My Curse"

The changes we collectively seek always starts when the damage collectively sustained reaches a saturation point.

I don't think we've reached that stage yet but I do believe we will eventually. I think that it's inevitable we will, even if that tipping point occurs after the cataclysmic occurs first. There have been many times in human history where we failed to reverse course and end the campaigns that lead to catastrophic losses. What is also true is that we collectively build something new on top of the ashes of the old ways.

The question remains: will the new construct serve our best interests or will it repeat the mistakes of old guard?

Despite being buried in culture war propaganda, misinformation, and bending to the whims of corporations and the everyday status quo warrior, the potential for social media to be a reliable source of information and a more enriching communication medium remains steadfast.

Maybe I'm just ultimately choosing to believe this but frankly, I don't see potential as being erasable.

Neglected, sure. Unfulfilled, absolutely.

But destroyable? Never. We got where we are due to the way how social media was weaponised against the masses. It can be undone.

To me, it appears hardly anyone truly trusts the processes. They don't trust people can become better than their actions dictate and they don't believe the process will aid them in being better than they currently are.

So between the fear, distrust, resentment, the desire for vengeance, and mistaking vengeance for justice, what are we even doing?

It left me to wonder: what good is punishment if it doesn't give people a chance to change? If no one is truly good or truly evil — a dichotomy that doesn't really help explain who anyone is nor the motivations behind any given uncouth or even despicable act — then why are people effectively barred from doing better or their job in reforming themselves is made harder than it needs to be?

I think I know why that is and it's something that has been staring me in the face for ages now. I admit... I previously dismissed the patently obvious for years but recently, I had to accept this uncomfortable truth.

People refuse to admit they're wrong because of how those who do or are found out get treated via the punitive measures that await them. There is no transformative or rehabilitative justice for many reasons but chief amongst them is how people don't care what happens after those measures are doled out.

Then these same people wonder why the cycle of pain continues.

Nothing says "cowardice" like people who constantly use the word "accountability" but seldom if ever hold themselves accountable or sit in the discomfort of being held accountable for things they've outright evaded accountability for.

Everyone wants to be judge, jury, and executioner but no one wants to be the defendent.

It's infinitely more important to know why you've changed your mind regarding formerly held political stances/views instead of standing on the fact that you simply have the right to.

Apart from anything else, it's redundant to say 'I have a right to change my mind" because that's a self-evident truth. At the end of the day, if you are being dishonest about your reasoning behind the shift in outlook, tact, and mindset? That's the flex of a false prophet.

Something I've been sitting with for a little while is the uncomfortable realisation that I've noticed some people I either know or used to know have more energy for being politically active than they are actively facing down the complex trauma that have long tormented them.

I know that's something I struggled with for a while and I ignored some of the telltale signs exhibited particularly by people I used to be friends with.

Some people are more confident that they can tackle social justice issues than they can their unaddressed complex trauma.

I swear on everything... too many of you mistook activism for a personality.

Just going to throw this out there: you're not raising awareness, supporting Palestinians currently under siege and occupation, or putting pressure on the Israeli government and their allies currently carrying out a genocide by yelling at people and publications on a post that is doing promo for a film about a lesbian love story.

Like... fucking aim before you fire, you sanctimonious bastards.

I've flipped a lot of stuff but never anything by Sade, one of the all-time greats and one of my all-time faves. The track Cherish The Day is especially moving to me and that was the basis for my latest track. To love is to be vulnerable. Love something or someone? Give everything. Hide nothing. This is bravery. https://soundcloud.com/the-auracle/bravery?si=b108fe7cdb64416a88c2b7f201545141&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

I am stronger than you think.
I am better than you've given me credit for.
I am not only inevitable; I am undeniable.

Everyone who has ever harmed or abused me knows what I am: I am indestructible. My best will always dwarf the worst anyone or anything can throw at me. Even when I eventually depart this mortal coil, I will live forever. The immense impact of my love on those I have bestowed it on will ensure that no matter who attempts to obfuscate it.

Love me, hate me, or be indifferent. Ultimately, I am who I am; not what you think I am nor what you want me to be.

Whenever I've survived something most think I would capitulate under the pressure of, they don't ever change their ways or admit they were wrong to do and say what they did. Quite the contrary. They become more frustrated that I survived and went on to thrive at all.

And that, dear friends, is why there's nothing anyone can do to stop me from being the fantastic individual that I am. My detractors don't have the minerals to kill me and, at best, illness like cancer or a major depressive episode only slows me down.

I always persevere.

I find that I make a more significant impact doing things out of the sheer love of doing them than to spite anyone who'd rather see me suffer or even perish. The best revenge is to not embark on the journey of revenge at all. That's why I am ruthless in my defiance.

I didn't get this far by playing the games my would-be adversaries wanted to play. I got this far because I stood on the business that what I wanted out of life is always worth more than a pound of flesh.

Cyberpunk 2024

[untitled]

Random recollection this morning for no reason at all: Nancy Reagan was really out here polishing off people with the GAWK GAWK 9000 before she’d go on to tell people to Just Say No to drugs and preaching “modesty.”

Conservatives: reinforcing “do as I say, not as I do” as a solid tenant of their values system, moral code, and ethical foundation since ‘ever.