Notices by elle (ellegray@mstdn.social), page 9

my two personalities, aloof international assassin and scruffy chaos kitten, competing for control of my day

No gambling with ducks

me with my agonies, staggering back to work after a long weekend

I'll know we're winning when everyone has stopped saying "AI tech is inevitable," like it's an angry God we're powerless to stop, and starts making fun of it. It deserves no diffidence, no respect, no fear. This is the way

childhood ends the moment you realize that giant gold-wrapped easter egg is not solid beautiful chocolate. it's hollow. maybe there's a shrunken stale mars bar in there but it's not the same. nothing is ever the same

when I say "I'm hanging in there lol" this is how I am

so the Italian mafia has been diluting its country's extra virgin olive oil with cheaper stuff from Greece and the police task force assigned to investigate this travesty is called "Operation Mamma Mia" which I want to make fun of but actually love lol ♥️🫒

these looney-tunes-looking maniacs fighting on top of a bookshelf. this'll end well

tesla owners finally complaining about some of the cars' features bc apparently your spouse can watch your car's progress on the app at home and see where you stop. you can even see which seats are being used so "both backseats" suddenly registering on the "heat map" is giving away the cheating lol

the only photo I'd ever put on a dating app

This headline made me laugh out loud until I looked into those little black eyes and yep Derek's evil af

Batcat

of course the earth is flat. one of the old gods left the lid off and the oceans lost all their fizz

if you're going to name your company boeing the planes should at least bounce when they crash

cocaine bears sounds a lot of fun and it's inspiring some hilarious concepts (lsd spider, cialis snake), but how about a feel-good one where a bunch of squirrels are prescribed adderall and can focus enough to get into university and eventually work for nasa

As of right this second I need to start a band with two other people so we can use this as the greatest album cover ever

If it's Friday afternoon, this is how your email finds me

The boss has been pestering me to attend a leadership conference so I, completely jokingly, said, "A true leader would never sit in an audience being told what to do" and now half this office is in existential crisis

If I had to wear one of these I'd be hungry all the time. I would constantly be smelling toast (Stroke!) Every night in my dreams I would eat my own hand

I'm a very light sleeper but somehow this small intruder manages to slip under my arm and wrap herself around it (without waking me up) on a regular basis. Concerning.

#caturday