Notices by elle (ellegray@mstdn.social), page 2

boss: how was your week?

me: I was told there would be no fact-checking

someone's doing voodoo on this onion. someone's mortal enemy is an onion. I must know more

this cat looks like one of the Old Master painters who's just slept with three servants, killed his annoying patron over an argument about inferior ham, and then painted his masterpiece out of spite

“women like us fall into two categories: dragons and fools. you must make sure they think of you as a dragon”

Maggie Smith

"i would like a SMALL CABBAGE"

proud to say that I've never had a concept of a plan in my life. every morning I just fling myself out into the world and hope for the best

mayan figure from 1600 yrs ago, with accessories. earliest lego guy

goddamn you could write a whole new "We Didn't Start the Fire" just about this week

Tupperware is declarimg bankruptcy. This kind of failure leaves a real stain (bright orange-red)

white people who move to other countries like to call themselves "expats" so they don't have to say they're immigrants

ohh england experiencing a little colonization and being real crybabies about it tbh

apparently I'm at the stage of nervous breakdowns where you start arguing with self-checkout machines

machine: UNEXPECTED ITEM IN CHECKOUT AREA

me: yeah that's the will to live leaving my body

it's never too late to become the black sheep of your family

trump is so lucky that all his assassins have only concepts of a plan

Does anyone know how to search your own posts?

stevie nicks: she is like a cat in the dark, and then she is the darkness

police sketch artist:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsey because it screams at me every time I cook

music is really loyd math

when you can't decide if you want flowers or muppets in your garden, plant this dahlia

I don't know how people can eat their pets. I just tried to put mustard on my cat and she beat the shit out of me