Notices by elle (ellegray@mstdn.social), page 13

"Hot men in your area" I'm gonna stop you right there. What's this "area"? I'm very lazy. Is he in my kitchen? No? Well then no sale. Move on.

listen, it's a nice story but love didn't cure the grinch. he got better because he started taking antidepressants. this is also why you never see him with an erection

cocaine bears sounds a lot of fun and it's inspiring some hilarious concepts (lsd spider, cialis snake), but how about a feel-good one where a bunch of squirrels are prescribed adderall and can focus enough to get into university and eventually work for nasa

on the one hand my young son is "not a kid ok I'm basically grown up and I should get to make my own decisions and do what I want" and on the other hand we just had a 10 minute sword fight with the cardboard rolls from the holiday wrapping paper 🙂

If you're happy and you know it share your drugs

my favourite part of every christmas show is when santa’s sleigh and all the reindeer lift off from a roof and immediately head for the distant horizon instead of the house next door

A $28 salad just told me the economy is doing fine ok

holy infant so tender and mild

moist owlet, sir?

the two sides of my personality, in constant battle

making my outdoor christmas lights flash "TAKE ME" in case aliens are flying by

@antoinnesterk so many happy afternoons crunching thin ice with my little boots as a kid ♥️. Wonderful photo

Inside you are two gloves. You stole them from some kittens and now they can't have any pie. I hope you're happy you monster

the one where Santa realizes a glowing red nose would be completely useless in fog so he goes with the other heavily-bullied reindeer, Doppler

Watching a show where two English thugs have been dispatched to Shetland to kill a witness but the younger guy wants to see some puffins while they're there and I'm laughing bc I'm pretty certain that's exactly how focused I'd be as an assassin too

don't ask me to explain this but if you mixed Neil Gaiman with David Tennant and turned them into Santa he would look exactly like this

oh no the targeted ads are getting better and better at predicting my basic needs

nothing about fame interests me in any way. except maybe having a new species of creature named after you. that could be fun. a little bug called something something elleonia. I hope it's a bee

I bet eva perón would be crying for angentina NOW is all I'm saying

no need to reply to tell me this makes no sense. Assume I already know and that I'm OK with it lol