Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social), page 3

In honor of Icarus, I am officially boycotting the sun. Please join me. We don't need it.

That's so wholesome.

Genius.

I wrote Trump a letter saying that my Spotify account was suspended while Biden was in office, which prevented me from listening to Kid Rock. In return, the president awarded me $30 million in slush fund money.

That blows my mind.

I wonder what he wished for.

That's so interesting.

Journalist: We climbed inside the world's largest sand battery. Here's what we found.

Me: Did you find sand?

Journalist: I hate it when you guess right :(

We made this very motivational comic.

That's terrifying.

Hard to argue with that.

Oh wow, I never knew that.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Toaster Bath T-shirt. Finally, a shirt that promotes good hygiene. What's not to love?
https://collabs.shop/zsf0l5

A lot of people have messaged me saying you should not put toasters in bathtubs. Okay, I don't want to even imagine how disgusting your filthy unhygienic toast must taste.

That's helpful to know.

If we want to fix the economy, we need to legalize gambling for toddlers. Our focus groups found that the 12-36 months demographic is exceptionally talented at accumulating mass amounts of debt. We just need to give them the proper tools to do so.

That sounds rough.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Stop Being A Dick Sticker. Gonna buy a bunch of these and stick them to every Richard I meet.
https://collabs.shop/qbdpag

Did you know? Dick became a nickname for Richard in 1974 when Nixon was impeached.

That checks out.