Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social), page 3

Sounds like an honest mistake.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Axolotl Plush.

What do you call a baby axolotl?

An axolittle.

Well it's been fun folks, I'll see myself out.
https://collabs.shop/v7fype

Microsoft: We have appointed a new Xbox CEO!

Gamers: Will she make games better?

Microsoft: Eh, she's not really interested in games.

Gamers: Oh. Does she bring any new ideas to the table?

Microsoft: She believes AI will help improve declining birth rates.

Gun Safety Rule 4: Occasionally pull the trigger to make sure your gun is not unloaded.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Gun Safety Pin.
Gun Safety Rule 2: Always keep your finger on the trigger.
Gun Safety Rule 3: Keep the gun aimed at your foot at all times so you are not tempted to pull the trigger.
https://collabs.shop/bslzdk

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Coffee Rat pin. Pizza Rat cashed in on his 15 minutes of fame and is living the glamorous NYC influencer lifestyle. Sadly, no one has any love for Coffee Rat. Coffee Rat has to stick to the ol' 9-5 grind to make ends meet.
https://collabs.shop/maogy7

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Become Ungovernable Patch. Throughout history, nations have tried to conquer Antarctica countless times. Each time, they failed. The penguins made sure of that.
https://collabs.shop/bodeda

Yes, every penguin in Antarctica has a machete. No, zoologists don't know how or why. The penguins don't let them get close enough to find out.

No wonder they don't make them anymore.

There is so much wisdom in that.

I was once again accused of being a bot, so here's a picture of me with Ollie yesterday. We were celebrating his 15th birthday (birdday).

I think he was on to something.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Ask Me About Birds pin. Most of you probably don't know this, but I have a PhD in Birdology. Ask me any bird-related question and I will be happy to share my extensive knowledge of beaks and feathers.
https://collabs.shop/r5tmqs

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Bigfoot Sighting Blanket.
Please boost this if you believe in Bigfoot. The big furry fellow deserves our support. If you do not boost, the rest of us will assume you are a Bigfoot denier, and you will immediately be blocked.
https://collabs.shop/l46otz

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for Goati The Goat. Sometimes people are referred to as "the goat", which stands for "the goatest of all time".
https://collabs.shop/zfofts

We would all be geniuses if we didn't need oxygen.

I am sick of the nonstop political content on here, so tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this totally apolitical Same Shit Different Hat tshirt. Even if you put a different hat on, you're still the same person deep down. It's a beautiful message we can all appreciate.
https://collabs.shop/g71b6j

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Bow-Wow Subscription Box. Get high quality dog toys delivered to your furry friend every month. It has fun stuff for all kinds of dogs. Golden retrievers. Dalmatians. Three-headed hellhounds guarding the gates of the underworld. Poodles.
https://collabs.shop/lg6eij

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Black Sheep Plush. This poor little guy is the outcast of his family. Not because he's black, but he's the only family member who refuses to conform to their traditional conservative values.
https://collabs.shop/lzjlyg

There is only one way to get a ton of likes on your Mastodon post. You must find a decades old piece of technology that only 12 people in the world own and write a 10,000 word essay on how to use it.