Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social), page 3

I wish I could unlearn this.

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but this morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Fat Squirrel Pin. Look at him. He's bulking up for winter. In the winter, he will continue to bulk up for the summer. He is permanently round.
https://collabs.shop/kwodr5

Today's Low Quality Ad is for these Ostrich Knuckles. Because the bird's knuckles are so coveted, ostrich farmers have been selectively breeding them to have larger knuckles. Scientists predict that by 2030 ostriches will have knuckles the size of a golf cart.
https://collabs.shop/mflvui

By 2040 ostriches will have knuckles the size of skyscrapers. It will be the only thing we eat.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Disco Snail Pin. Disco Snail is the life of the party. Unfortunately, Disco Snail is also ridiculously late to every party because he is extremely slow.
https://collabs.shop/dpalpj

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Cosmos Blanket. If you squint, in the upper left corner you can see the star your neighbor Harold purchased for $50. He owns that star. He has a certificate to prove it.
https://collabs.shop/dzpvpt

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Beam Me Up Pin.

Coworker: So what's your plan to make it through the week?

Me: *Points at this pin*
https://collabs.shop/xgwhzn

Adorable.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Rich Possum Pin. Unfortunately when we say "eat the rich" it includes him too. Better grab some hot sauce folks, this is gonna be a rough one.
https://collabs.shop/xrvikl

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Howdy Gator Sticker. Howdy Gator was once again snubbed for Best Country Album at the Grammys. Howdy Gator is seething with rage.
https://collabs.shop/53liye

Happy 4th of July! This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Shit Show Pin. Tickets are required to attend the USA's 250th birthday party.
https://collabs.shop/9icgvf

It was a life changing year.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Pyramid Eye Blanket. I am sick of the shitty Epstein island elite class, please arrest them and bring back the weird cryptic reptilian people illuminati.
https://collabs.shop/mmhwsu

The illuminati may have been led by lizard people who wanted to harvest our organs, but at least they weren't stealing all out water to build more data centers.

Please give me a dollar a month on Patreon so I can buy Ruby more treats. I know she looks sweet and harmless, but she won't hesitate to gouge my eyes out if I run out of treats.
https://www.patreon.com/lowqualityfacts

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this "Ask Me About Trains" Pin. It's the kind of pin your one uncle will show you right after he finishes telling you how autism didn't exist back when he was a kid.
https://collabs.shop/rjefvi

We made a comic about the Super Bowl.

Perfection.

I wonder what movie it was for.