Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social), page 3

Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time.

I love that.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this "We Are All Dogs In God's Hot Car" Keychain. Not only is God refusing to crack a window, but he also cranked the heat and locked us inside. With all due respect, God is being a total dick.
https://collabs.shop/kmjuik

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Roly-Poly Pin. What's that you say, you hate bugs? Wrong. No you don't. Not all bugs. You don't hate the roly-poly bug. You love the roly-poly bug. Everyone loves the roly-poly bug.
https://collabs.shop/ocr8ms

Me: So what's the strategy until the next election?

Democrats: We're going to zoom in on pictures of Trump's bruised hand and post it on social media every day.

Me: Uhh okay cool, what else? Universal Healthcare? Investigating corruption?

Democrats: We're gonna zoom in real close on that hand.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Frenchie Sushi Lover T-shirt. Traditionally, sushi is made with French Bulldogs. Most culinary purists are appalled to see people use seafood instead.
https://collabs.shop/m6kg8r

That makes sense.

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

Hey look, I found your favorite book! Today's Low Quality Ad is for this Smut Pin.
https://collabs.shop/vbjkb9

Amazing.

Wow, I never knew that.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this "I Heart Medieval Torture" Hat. It's a great hat to wear on a first date.
https://collabs.shop/4jkjvk

A lot of people don't realize this.

Me: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Guy whose job it is to press a random number generator button all day long: I don't get it.

I don't think people understand how much a trillion dollars is. If you made $1,000 a day it would take you 2,740 years to make a billion dollars. But if you made a trillion dollars an hour, it would only take you one hour to become a trillionaire. Insane.

Incredible.

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for the Kiri Table Lamp. I know it's going to hatch into something, I just don't know what.
https://collabs.shop/pqjbyl

Obviously.

How do you feel about Elon Musk becoming the world's first trillionaire? If you're having trouble processing your emotions, spin today's Low Quality Ad, this Wheel Pin, to find out.
https://collabs.shop/syb6i3

Makes you think.