Notices by Low Quality Facts (lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social), page 3

Effective immediately, all of our (straight) soldiers will be injected with daddy juice to ensure that their muscles are swelling with American pride (not gay).

I love Ireland.

It simply can't be done.

Look, I know you all think this account is funded by the owl industry. But that's not true. That's absurd. I don't think owls even have an industry to promote. On an unrelated note, today's Low Quality Ad is for this cute Stuffed Owl.
https://collabs.shop/n7skhh

Go ahead and accuse me of being in league with the owls, I don't give a hoot.

Today's Low Quality Ad is for this "Undiagnosed But Something Ain't Right" Tote Bag. Therapy is expensive and our healthcare system is broken. This bag is the best alternative I can offer you.
https://collabs.shop/ydo9hz

Stay safe, everyone.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Manticore Pin. Cottagecore is out, manticore in. The youth these days are all chasing the manticore aesthetic. Huge mane, wings, venomous tail. It's all the rage.
https://collabs.shop/q7tc7f

I wish I could unlearn this.

I am terribly sorry to interrupt your doomscrolling, but this morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Fat Squirrel Pin. Look at him. He's bulking up for winter. In the winter, he will continue to bulk up for the summer. He is permanently round.
https://collabs.shop/kwodr5

Today's Low Quality Ad is for these Ostrich Knuckles. Because the bird's knuckles are so coveted, ostrich farmers have been selectively breeding them to have larger knuckles. Scientists predict that by 2030 ostriches will have knuckles the size of a golf cart.
https://collabs.shop/mflvui

By 2040 ostriches will have knuckles the size of skyscrapers. It will be the only thing we eat.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Disco Snail Pin. Disco Snail is the life of the party. Unfortunately, Disco Snail is also ridiculously late to every party because he is extremely slow.
https://collabs.shop/dpalpj

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Cosmos Blanket. If you squint, in the upper left corner you can see the star your neighbor Harold purchased for $50. He owns that star. He has a certificate to prove it.
https://collabs.shop/dzpvpt

I'm surprised that so many people don't know this.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Beam Me Up Pin.

Coworker: So what's your plan to make it through the week?

Me: *Points at this pin*
https://collabs.shop/xgwhzn

Adorable.

This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Rich Possum Pin. Unfortunately when we say "eat the rich" it includes him too. Better grab some hot sauce folks, this is gonna be a rough one.
https://collabs.shop/xrvikl

Tonight's Low Quality Ad is for this Howdy Gator Sticker. Howdy Gator was once again snubbed for Best Country Album at the Grammys. Howdy Gator is seething with rage.
https://collabs.shop/53liye

Happy 4th of July! This morning's Low Quality Ad is for this Shit Show Pin. Tickets are required to attend the USA's 250th birthday party.
https://collabs.shop/9icgvf