Notices by geekysteven (geekysteven@beige.party), page 2

Trump supporters buying jars of JD Vance's spunk is bizarre of course, but what's the alternative for the campaign? Leave it in the couch?

My biggest millennial trait is that I loved Calvin and Hobbes as a kid, and didn't notice that I turned into Calvin's dad

The phrase "thick as thieves" describes the tendency for bank robbers to coagulate

Make fun of me for singing sea shanties if you want, but I know who you'll turn to for detailed management advice re: drunken sailors

The benefit of owning a cybertruck over a regular truck is that no one will ask you to help move on account of not having friends

Harris choosing Tim Walz as her running mate sets a dangerous precedent that Democrats might do cool shit that voters love

An important part of being an American is feeling like you're slacking if you haven't come up a better system to replace the one that's collapsing. Was there a zoom call we were gonna sort that out on? I kinda spaced

I don't care if it's a controversial opinion, Die Hard is a St Patrick's Day movie

"why are so many people leftist now”

well, in America conservatives spent decades calling every good idea socialism. Hope that helps!

The position of Reverse Cowboy is an excellent choice for men who are a little cowbi curious

Every thing I learn about Sigourney Weaver makes me love her even more. Queen Shit. Maybe she's got something cringe past the third google page but that's between her and whoever's in charge of space

The United States' official motto was "E. Pluribus Unum" until it was changed in 1952 to "I've made a huge mistake"

As I work my way deeper into the sex dungeon I notice they have a ball pit

The GOP says you must carry all pregnancies to term, then abandon the resulting twins to be raised by a wolf. They say it's the will of the Gods

If your conservative relatives minimize your queer relationships by calling your partner your ”friend“ start calling church their “little club”
This will only be funny and have zero negative consequences.

I never told my kids stories about Santa or God to control their behavior, but I did make up a fictional IT worker named Eddie who works for the phone company and is the one who turns off my son's phone if he doesn't get ready for bed on time. It definitely wasn't me, it was Eddie. Dang, I'm mad about it too, let's get our pajamas on so Eddie will turn your phone back on

ASMR video labeled "making the bed" but the audio is only cows, being sad. The next time you make the bed you can feel their cow sadness.

Oh dang, better clear my schedule to express performative sympathy for the worst person I've ever seen

What D.A.R.E. taught me was not that drugs are bad, but that people in authority are invested in lying to you, which is a much more valuable lesson.

I've clarified countless times that poison is when the toxin is ingested, and that venom is when it is injected, but I'm still banned from Applebee's cause of the incident