Notices by Mike Sheward (secureowl@infosec.exchange), page 2

Hello here are the five things I did this week:

1) asked the FAA to divert aircraft back towards Florida following SpaceX explosion

2) performed environmental impact study following SpaceX explosion

3) sent formal apology on behalf of US government to Turks and Caicos regarding SpaceX explosion

4)worked with FAA to compensate passengers who were grounded in Florida due to SpaceX explosion

5) ran out of time to do the fifth thing because my flight was delayed due to SpaceX explosion

I see all those big tech companies who gave a million dollars to the inaugural fund of an adjudicated sexual abuser and person who openly bragged about sexually assaulting women have done cool logos in support of international Women’s day

I don’t believe for one second that a reporter from TASS was “accidentally” allowed into that room btw. I don’t think accidentally wandering into the White House is a thing.

Leaked from next Bond film script:

“Bond is at the Casino sir, he’s got the target in sight.”

“Tell him to abort. We need him back in the office five days a week. To, you know, collaborate.”

Well I figured I’d check out #msfs2024 again to see if they’d fixed the bugs and my copilot appears to have spawned outside on the roof, so I guess that answers that

Almost time for the annual “spot the companies who laid thousands of employees off citing tough market conditions while paying $17 million for a 30 second Super Bowl commercial” game.

The USPS has suspended inbound deliveries of packages from China amid fears Deepseek AI has loaded itself onto a series of floppy disks and is planning to reassemble itself inside the US.

If you've ever wondered what it is like to throw up and have diarrhea simultaneously, JIRA now has an AI button.

Never in global history have so many found out after the fucking around of so few.

Theres some pro bowl stuff on TV. I hear my kid ask my wife, “what exactly is the pro bowl?”

She explains that it’s a chance for players who didn’t get into the Super Bowl but were still extremely good to celebrate and have fun.

I walk in with a, “pfft why are you watching the loser bowl.”

Marketing: “we need you to put this tracking code and analytics javascript on the site.”

Dev: “k.”

Product: “we need you to put this session recording library on the site.”

Dev: “k.”

Legal: “we need you to put this cookie consent tracker on the site.”

Dev: “k.”

Sales: “hey we need you to put this chat widget on the site, every page.”

Dev. “k.”

Leadership: “hey make sure that chat bot is AI.”

Dev. “k.”

Security: “hey can you put this EDR on your laptop?”

Dev: “oh my god that’s gonna fuck up my performance why don’t you people ever think of user experience?!?!”

if ByteDance divests they should do so into 8 smaller companies called BitDance

got my haircut today and the hairdresser commented that I was noticeably grayer in some spots and I was like yeah there’s this software called JIRA

“We are taking action to ban an entity that collects huge swaths of information about US citizens without their consent, has a demonstrated history of not protecting that information once collected, and as such represents a significant national security risk.”

“Good, it’s about time someone did something about these credit reporting agencies.”

@GossiTheDog in the vision jet? Just press the safe return button and let the plane figure it out. If it doesn’t return you safely you get a discount on your next jet.

Please do not, under any circumstances, give Experian or any other credit reporting bureau or whatever fancy title they use for themselves, access to your bank account so they can monitor your spend and “save you money”.

When notifying friends in San Francisco to get as high as they can be sure to clarify you mean elevation wise

the human body was never meant to withstand daily standup in the midst of multiple concurrent geopolitical crises

Crazy how a president of a country did a really bad thing for democracy and the democratic system in that country was able to withstand it because everyone entrusted to enforce that democratic system was like “wait this is like really bad for democracy”, rather than, you know, being all like “whelp, guess we have a dictator now, glad I said nice things about his steaks.”

Thinking of entering Rosie in the National Dog Show next year

#dogsofmastodon