Notices by kinoko ? (kinoko@raru.re), page 5

more chronic illness memes (current mood)

anyways my stomach is super weird rn too because of endo and now i’m only allowed to eat basically rice and certain veggies only but in pureed form

this kinda sucks ngl, at least before i could be happy about eating something tasty, i rly want an egg over rice at least or something 😭 and some spices… and eating has to be a whole ordeal now

i wonder if eating a cinnamon bun took me to the ER?? :blobcatDonut: no regrets tho

@Moon aww, thank you, you’re doing plenty by being my friend ☺️

@Moon not good but better than before when i was practically dying lmao

IV fluids got drip

pov: you’re on my phone

fair warning that i’ll be posting a lot about barely feeling ok and going into/recovering from surgery but i’ll try to CW as much as possible, and/or post under the same thread

anyway since june-ish my wellbeing started drastically worsening. last year i got diagnosed with endometriosis and was scheduled for excision surgery a month later, but i ended up at the ER before that unfortunately. I was bleeding out on the ER floor, but it ended up with getting yelled at and sent home, the doc there insisted i try hormones instead of surgery. I cancelled the surgery, although it’s the best method for management of the condition, and tried hormones. It’s been okayish-stable for less than a year, until it started getting worse. I can barely function now. So I’m going into surgery hopefully soon that will also involve excisions on my bowels and stuff most likely.

Today I’m going to start with daily oxycodone until I can get into surgery.

today I found out that I likely have adhesions in my stomach/bowels (organs sticking together) which might be causing a lot of my pain. they want to try stronger hormonal treatments and HRT first though, but that’ll still take me a month to get because i need to go to the endo surgeon for that and until then i’m basically bedridden

at the moment I can only feel like I can sit — just sit — only with TENS on my back.

my mom brought me some of her cooking and hugged me :blobcatPuffyMelt: i just want to be pampered atm. so tired.

I feel like starting with tDCS for depression (actually chronic pain, but it’s targeted towards depression) helped me stay more relaxed, calm, and level-headed about the situation.

Will I have to suddenly upend my life and maybe postpone my dream job and studies? Very likely. It’s hard. I’m grieving. But after starting with meditation and tDCS, it’s easier to let go, let myself heal instead of push through, and resume when I’m better.

This pain isn’t psychological. But its chronic nature wears you down, exactly how water wears down stone. So I need to focus on regaining mental strength. At one point, I just realized that I crossed over a barrier. I realized that I gave up, that I was content with letting myself die, because I was just so very tired. So tired of fighting to live. And that’s when I realized that I need to work on my mindset as well. It’s not going to cure my pain, and I was reluctant to try treating depression because it was always presented in such a way that maybe, just maybe, there’s a psychosomatic component too. It’s just going to help me stay alive.

chronic illness posting, memes of current mood

maybe this isn't really a thing but i've noticed that a lot of sapphic women think discussing the attractiveness of other women is bad and objectifying, i feel like it's a brainworm, like why am i not supposed to enjoy how beautiful women are??

@kaia where (asking for a friend)

@Moon just sayin no because i’m not a redditor

@Moon no!!

@Moon literally me

i won’t be the podcaster friend

imagine being jacked into the matrix to experience mirror's edge as reality while you're actually recovering from surgery in a hospital

this is probably not going to be an entry in a scifi competition lmao

there’s a whole subplot that sets him (an aloof side character scientist) up for a hilarious misunderstanding with a detective who dismisses him because of his demeanor and some serious shit happens because of that