Notices by Col (kibcol1049@mstdn.social)

Being healthy is just dying at the slowest possible rate.

The Archbishop of Canterbury is facing mounting pressure to resign over his failure to report a prolific child abuser associated with the Church of England. Justin Welby was made aware in 2013 of allegations against John Smyth, a barrister who sexually abused as many as 130 boys and young men in the UK and Africa over almost five decades, but did not alert police.

“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
Dorothy Parker

Restaurant names are getting more and more bizarre in London, says Ed Cumming in The Daily Telegraph. There’s “Don’t Tell Dad”, a bakery-restaurant opening soon; “Goodbye Horses”, a new wine bar; and “Sexy Fish” in Mayfair. Pubs have always done so. Fancy a pint down The Cat and Custard Pot Inn (Shipton Moyne), My Father’s Moustache (Louth), or The Jolly Taxpayer (Portsmouth), The Pyrotechnists Arms (Nunhead) or The Old Thirteenth Cheshire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn (Stalybridge)?

The guy who named a bunch of crows a "murder" should be in charge of naming more things.

Looking at graffiti on a bridge:-
Some people: "That's vandalism."
Other people: "That's art!"
Me: "How the heck did they get up there?"

Women are increasingly talking about wanting attributes in prospective lovers that go beyond the physical, says Stylist. Examples of this “non-sexual sexy stuff” include: striking a match and getting a perfect flame on the first go; being able to shuffle cards; winning a game of pool “and not making a big deal out of it”; a tea towel draped over the shoulder while cooking; chopping vegetables quickly; tearing tape with their teeth; and turning the steering wheel with their palms not hands.

Putin asked a psychic, "How long will I live?"
Psychic said, "I know you'll die on a Ukrainian holiday."
Putin asks, "Which holiday?
Psychic smiled and said, "Whichever day you die, will be a Ukrainian holiday."

Whenever I drop a small screw on the floor, 1% of the time it falls directly on the floor, easy to reach in plain sight. 99% of the time, it teleports to an alternate dimension and is never seen again.

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka was the first time I realised how fantastic it was to be weird.

“I want AI to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for AI to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.”
Writer Joanna Maciejewska

Few shoppers will have failed to notice the “eye-watering” rise in olive oil prices, says Bloomberg. Criminals have spotted an opportunity. In July, Italian police seized 42 tons of fake extra virgin olive oil worth almost $1m, alongside 623 litres of chlorophyll, which was being added to low-grade oil, and 71 tons of something ominously referred to as an “oily substance”. In January, seed oil mixed with beta-carotene and chlorophyll was being passed off as extra virgin in 50 Rome restaurants.

Tory MPs will vote today to eliminate one of the party’s four remaining leadership candidates. Tom Tugendhat looks all but certain to be given the boot before the final MPs’ ballot tomorrow, after which party members will choose between the remaining two. James Cleverly and Robert Jenrick are joint favourites overall, at odds of 5/4, with Kemi Badenoch at 4/1.

Britain’s water companies have been fined £158m for failing to meet targets on pollution and leakage. Sewage pollution incidents have fallen by just 2% since 2020, well short of the 30% target. The water regulator Ofwat will impose the fine by lowering bills for consumers in the coming year.

Being married means solving problems together.
Problems you wouldn't have, if you were single.

There was an enjoyable moment at the Tory conference on Wednesday, says Andrew McDonald in Politico, when podcaster George Osborne and incoming Spectator editor Michael Gove took their seats in the media area flashing “press” wristbands. “The real journalists are here!” Osborne told hacks to laughter. Former leadership candidate Mel Stride was also spotted trying to take a place in the media seats, but turned away by an official “who didn’t appear to know who he was”.

Hurricane Helene has become the deadliest storm to strike mainland America since Hurricane Katrina nearly two decades ago. More than 200 people have died, and 600 people are still missing a week after the category 4 storm made landfall in Florida.

Truman Capote was once dining out with Tennessee Williams when a woman approached their table and asked him to sign her navel, says The Independent. Capote obliged, but the woman’s drunk husband wasn’t happy. He stormed over, unzipped his trousers, “hauled out his equipment” and said: “How’d you like to autograph this?” Capote peered, paused, and replied: “Well, I don’t know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I could initial it.”