Notices by Floaty Birb (floatybirb@mastodon.social)

whenever I'm sick, my cells decide that their number one priority is to make and export as much mucus as possible, and I dislike this.

Yeti Movie Pros and Cons:

PRO:
* weird tragic plot line
* characters I could tell apart
* surprisingly mostly good soundtrack
* includes fun 1970s hardware, like "giant computer", "retro jitsi machine", "yellow cop car with two sirens like a star destroyer's scanner globes" and "awkward yeti oxygen machine"
* horny

CON:
* I'm confused what the evil plot was
* rampage scenes were awkward and strange
* why was the yeti screaming
* poor yeti
* horny

#monsterdon

I give Yeti 4/5 giant nipples. It was, shockingly, a good movie, even if dragged in some parts and the rampaging bits didn't make much sense.

The music varied from "amazing" to "mildly annoying". I liked how the Yeti and the eccentric businessman were tragic characters, as was the professor, who was ruined by his desire to have a nice nap. The practical effects were neat. Also, it had a dog.

#monsterdon

Eccentric Large Rich Guy appears and hugs the Little Brother who is his kid I guess. The Yeti screams at him while Dramatically Backlit.

The cops form a 19th century infantry line and get ready to shoot the Yeti, but then the daughter intercedes. Repressing her desire to again caress the Yeti nipples, she tells the Yeti to go back to the wilderness, because this world is not for him or something. Sadly, he turns away and vanishes into the sunset.

#monsterdon

Anyway, whatever his evil plan is, Yellow Jacket Man has the Little Brother as a hostage and tries to shoot the Yeti with a large rifle but fails to hit, and the Yeti rescues the little brother and screams more, then knocks a truck over and squishes Yellow Jacket Man with his foot.

The cops show up but so far have not shot at the Yeti.

#monsterdon

I think I missed the part where the big bad explained what his plan was... I'm not sure how framing the Yeti is going to help him do anything? Like I guess he wants to kidnap the Yeti for his own evil business, maybe? Or kill the Yeti and sell the body?

I dunno.

#monsterdon

So we have entered the car chase in the movie, where a convoy of goon-laden sports cars are trying to lure the Yeti to the top of the mountain, and the Yeti is yelling at them and smashing one car with a giant rock that he got from the giant rock store. Some of the goons run off a cliff and die because they were dumb.

The police are following, and the Smart Daughter is following too, on foot; she gets the police to give her a lift.

#monsterdon

So the daughter, being the smartest character, realizes that this is all Yellow Jacket Man's fault and his goons kidnap her and kill her dog, the greatest crime in this movie.

Yellow Jacket Man is about to sexually assault her. Then the Yeti breaks down the wall to rescue her and her brother; the goons run away (taking the little brother), and we get a sad camera pan over the dying dog; the Yeti screams in mourning before leaving the building (which explodes).

#monsterdon

I'm wondering if the Yeti's screams are more than just "AAAAAHHHH!!!" and are actually some kind of complicated communication in Yeti-language?

Maybe he's just asking where the Tim Hortons is or whatever.

#monsterdon

The next sequence is the Yeti trodding around the warehouse killing goons; one which he strangles with his giant foot. After that he wanders around and starts approaching downtown, screaming the entire time. This makes the puny humans scream. More yellow cop cars are summoned.

#monsterdon

After getting more oxygen, the Yeti makes up and is mad; he seems to realize that the sleazy goons were the source of the trouble and starts smashing them in a Targeted Rampage. They run outside and start hiding behind construction equipment, which is the strategy I used in the construction equipment levels in X-COM.

#monsterdon

After murdering the Doctor, the sleezy goons call more sleezy goons; I thought this was to smuggle the Yeti away but it seems like it was to set another evil plot in motion. When the cops and the daughter arrive, they cannily leave one goon behind to pretend he was knocked unconscious by the Yeti, and that the Yeti killed the Fourth Doctor.

#monsterdon

Because he's a nice guy, the Yeti puts the daughter down, so she runs to a phone booth to tell the eccentric rich guy that the Yeti is nice and is following her around. The police surround the Yeti but decide not to attack it, I assume this is because this is canada and not the USA.

We learn the Yeti has decided to pass out in a warehouse; we think he's sick or something. The Fourth Doctor and Yellow Jacket guy come to investigate, bringing an odd oxygen machine to revive him.

#monsterdon

Okay, so the Yeti's rampage is abated temporarily, not by force of arms or the brilliance of science, but because he runs into a crying child and feels sad for it, so he stops rampaging for a minute. The Smart Daughter takes this opportunity to tut tut him for destroying part of Toronto; she does this while still in his hand, which is maybe less than smart of her.

The authorities are unimpressed, and summon their yellow police taxi cabs to arrest the Yeti.

#monsterdon

In the next scene were are choosing the next CEO of "maple leaf enterprises" (whatever that is) at a poker game that is also an election involving a pot. This is actually a better procedure than I expected for picking a CEO. Like, a much better procedure.

After the votes are tallied up, the winner is revealed to be... Yellow Jacket Man! Surprise, the Jerk Character was not the relatable Male Jock Lead but actually an evil business guy the whole time!

#monsterdon

Okay, so the plan to turn the Yeti into money is to...

1) get the Yeti into his box again (success)
2) take the Yeti to Toronto via helicopter (in progress)
3) I guess show the Yeti to people at a Yeti expedition. I guess they pay to look at the giant naked hairy guy.

We learn about this plan from a TV that someone took to a baseball game for reasons I don't understand.

#monsterdon

Back in Capitalism, the Eccentric Large Rich Man is planning to make money from the Yeti somehow. I guess he'll pay people to look at the Yeti; he's probably not going to pay the Yeti, for which Karl Marx would like a word with him.

Karl Marx is not there though, so the Fourth Doctor objects on his behalf, by yelling at him in a video conference that the Yeti has rights and shouldn't be a publicity slave.

#monsterdon

Okay, so the Smart Daughter learns Tarzan to speak to the Yeti and they get him to walk in a direction.

#monsterdon

After eating the fish, the Yeti offers a fish skeleton to the Smart Daughter; this makes her mad because she says that all men are the same; I guess her last boyfriend gave her a giant fish skeleton or something. Anyway, she is still very horny for the giant Yeti.

The adult search party appears to chaperone this encounter, and they give the Yeti some spray medicine to heal his gunshot wound. He is scared but trusts the children enough for them to use a healing item on him.

#monsterdon

Okay, so a search party of the Fourth Doctor and the Yellow Jacket Guy and two rifle guys come across the Yeti eating the fish. The Fourth Doctor theorizes that the Matching Children's white fluffy coats reminded the Yeti of his home in the Himalayas, which, if true, makes me wonder how he got to Canada in the first place. They decide that the Yeti is being nice to the Matching Children because they are small and he is a nice guy.

#monsterdon