Notices by Floaty Birb (floatybirb@mastodon.social), page 2

Characters in this #monsterdon in order of likeability (so far)

Dog (best boy)
Yeti (did nothing wrong)
Matching Children
Fourth Doctor
Large Eccentric Rich Guy
Yellow Jacket Man
Sneaky Suit Guy (he will betray us)

Okay, so after having his nipple fondled, the Yeti puts the Matched Set Children down. The Smart Daughter decides that the Yeti wants to eat them and so she wants to run away, but the Little Brother doesn't want to. Eventually they try diplomacy and offer the Yeti a fish to heal his gunshot wound.

#monsterdon

Okay, so the Yeti starts rampaging and breaking building because he didn't like the camera flashes; the puny humans start hiding from him, but he smashes more walls; this makes the Smart Daughter horny. A puritanical god punishes her for her sins by stranding her on the side of the building, but she is rescued by the Yeti, making her even hornier.

#monsterdon

Meanwhile, in Canada, the people are celebrating the arrival of the Yeti with a parade. We meet the Eccentric Rich Guy at a lively outdoor press conference where everyone is watching the Yeti's phone booth being lowered to the ground, accompanied by Extremely 70s music.

After the Yeti is dropped, he stares at the puny humans. Some prim and proper ladies stop to admire his junk. Then some cameras flash and scare the Yeti so he starts stomping around and screaming.

#monsterdon

I really like the scenes where the Yeti is sticking his foot through the apartment windows while he climbs the building, scaring the people inside. Nice crunchy practical effects and some fun reaction shots from the apartment dwellers.

#monsterdon

We give the Yeti an oxygen machine. So the Fourth Doctor assures the Smart Daughter that he will watch the Yeti; he does this by grabbing a blanket and taking an ill-advised nap.

While he neglects his Yeti monitoring duties, Yellow Jacket guy and his Sleazy Goons do an evil mischief, removing the oxygen machine, somehow altering the warehouse the phones and getting the daughter to run away calling for help, while they Brutually Murder the Fourth Doctor.

#monsterdon

How to give your characters depth, Yeti-style

1) make your character a weirdo (he descends to a picnic via a helicopter carrying a ski lift
2) give your character a tragic flaw (e.g. greedy businessman willing to exploit sasquatches for fame and fortune)
3) give your character a sympathetic reaction (e.g. he feels bad when he friend dies because of his actions)

#monsterdon

Back at the warehouse, the cops have decided that the Yeti is guilty; the Smart Daughter tries to explain that he was asleep and so he is innocent.

Back at the cop factory, which inexplicably has a Giant Univac Computer in the background, the top cop decides that the Yeti is guilty and sends cops to attack the Yeti. He tells the eccentric rich guy this via a phone call, and the Eccentric Rich Guy is sad, crying at the end of his gigantic table.

#monsterdon

Realizing that the audience was still sad about the dog, the movie decided to inject a new Plot Twist; the Dog who was stabbed is still alive! He strides out and hugs the little brother, making the audience feel joy again!

The final scene is another crashing glacier; the Yeti walks into the Ice, tears in his eye. Extreme Tragedy. Much Feeling.

Then Extremely Kickass Early Electronic plays in the background as the credits role. #monsterdon

After stopping the Yeti from crashing our helicopter (a difficult task, because yetis apparently love screaming and helicopters also love crashing), we decide to drop the Yeti box on the ground next to our giant crowd of people and let the Yeti out. He's still unconscious, so the camera pans all over his hairy body. If this was a different type of movie, then this is where we would see some monster ween.

#monsterdon

Okay, so our ill-advised Yeti-thawing plan has succeeded triumphantly, and the Yeti (who looks like a godzilla-sized caveman) comes back to life and starts yelling.

His yelling is so bad it starts knocking the helicopter off course, letting the actors practice Star-Trek style bouncing in the seats. Eventually we close the window on the Yeti's prison phone booth box and the helicopter stops bouncing.

#monsterdon

Crew of Helicopter:
Yellow Jacket Guy (Male Jock Lead)
Fourth Doctor (Male Nerd Lead)
Smart Daughter (one of Matching Children, I think)
Helicopter Driver (possessed of beard)

Cargo of Helicopter:
Iced Yeti (possessed of dramatic beard)

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I like it how the Yeti hasn't moved very much in this rampage, but the people are running back and forth in seemingly random directions that don't seem to do a great job at putting distance between them and the Yeti.

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After a lot of screaming and running away, one of the guys with guns try to shoot the Yeti, but the Fourth Doctor heroically stops him by grabbing the gun. The bullet pricked the Yeti a little bit but doesn't seem to have done much, and he walks toward the Fourth Doctor who was going to freeze there and make friends with the Yeti until Yellow Jacket Guy (no longer in a Yellow Jacket) pulls him away.

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After the Yeti lands, we get a conversation. Yellow Jacket Guy has ordered some people to stand ready with rifles, in case the Yeti does an inevitable rampage, and Smart Daughter objects to this because the Yeti is a human being and has feelings and probably doesn't want to be shot at.

This argument is interrupted when a dog barks, waking the Yeti up, and he starts yelling, breaking out of his cage and doing a rampage.

#monsterdon

Yes, that was a long scene where the Smart Daughter fondles the Yeti's giant nipple and then recoils her hand in aroused horror.

That was a practical effects shot. We spent time on the giant hairy nipple model.

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Okay, so the puny humans have run away, except for the Matched Set Children (who fainted due to fright) and the dog, who decided to keep barking at the Yeti. This attracts the Yeti, further scaring the children, but he decides that these tiny people are friends and also that he should pick them up.

This causes the other puny humans to run away, and the dog to run away in another direction. The Yeti decides to follow the dog because dogs are cool, carrying the children.

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I'm also unclear why the Yeti rampage scene has both US and Canadian flags. I guess this is before our countries were enemies.

#monsterdon

Yeti starts with a scene of a glacier melting into the sea, followed by some Hecking Awesome Orchestral Music, and a cool pan over the ocean, in which we see a boat.

Fuck yes, that's a good start to a #monsterdon movie; I love me some boats!

We then switch to a pan over a technologically advanced city, partly as seen from a space needle type restaurant and a helicopter, and then the helicopter approaches a guy who is minding his own business and fishing.

#monsterdon

I would like to say that the professor guy is giving Fourth Doctor vibes with that scarf. But he also has a yellow sock hat... so he looks like the Fourth Doctor who is also a fisherman.

#monsterdon