Notices by Chris Hallbeck (chrishallbeck@mastodon.social)

What idiot called it a McDonald’s fish sandwich and not a quarter flounder.

Minor injuries.

I tried to show my dog how many followers I have and it’s like she doesn’t even care.

I like to set important emails as unread so they stay in my inbox and gradually get pushed off screen by newer important emails to never be seen again.

I have to gently close my AirPods case because my dogs now associate the “snap!” of a normal closing with going out for a walk and they will excited run up to the door from a deep sleep.

Julia,
*gets down on 1 knee*
I want to ask you
*gets down on 2nd knee*
how long have I
*gets down on 3rd knee*
been a centaur?

So cute!

Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz was the original zombie.

Reflexes.

Big news!

An unsolvable mystery.

My wife: “What time is it?”

(I look at the clock and see 2:22am)
Me: “It’s three lasers.”

My wife: “What?”

Me: (very quickly) “Two two two.”

FYI, wrapping a tortilla around a handful of Halloween candy counts as breakfast burrito as long as you eat it before noon.

The first wallet I ever had was a black velcro wallet with a yellow Batman logo on it. I was very excited to go buy some candy and LOUDLY open my wallet to pay for it.

c a k e

You think I didn’t get revenge but I sneak into your house while you’re asleep and move your leg into a weird position that will hurt for days.

@Gargron Same 😊

Oh no…

Okay, time to get some work done!
*spends 90 minutes organizing a new music playlist*

When it’s October and you get to finally show off that Halloween body you’ve been working on all summer.