Notices by Chris Hallbeck (chrishallbeck@mastodon.social), page 2

When it’s October and you get to finally show off that Halloween body you’ve been working on all summer.

This Mountain Dew Baja Blast is really quenching my childhood fantasy of drinking glass cleaner.

Gonna be the most popular house on the block this Halloween, or very sick.

In the dark.

The sphere of knowledge.

Okay, to be honest, I totally believed it wasn’t butter. I was just being polite.

I say that I’m gonna move to Canada because of politics but really it’s for the ketchup chips.

It’s good to invite a stegosaurus to your dinner in case you need some extra plates.

[ad for GoPro camera showing people skydiving, snowboarding and surfing.]

Me: “Wow, these cameras really put you right in the action! I need one!”

[cut to GoPro video of me eating a taco by myself in a Taco Bell parking lot]

“Back into the joke mines I go!” I say to my family as I go into another room to sit in a chair and stare into space.

I worked at an ice cream shop in high school and the best part was when a friend came by I would give them $27 worth of ice cream in their $3 cup.

*montage of me storing my DC Comics action figures in random places like the oven and refrigerator *

Doctor: What’s the problem?
Me: I keep having hot and cold Flashes.

I still think "Millennials" sounds like a race of aliens in Marvel Comics that live to be 1,000 years old.

Dog video games.

Me: I love when I’m spraying glass cleaner and it makes that snorting sound like a tiny plastic pig.

Wife: I meant something about me.

Wife: I am not leaving the house with you wearing socks and sandals again.

Me: Ugh, fine!
*I take the socks off revealing the sandals underneath*

Sometimes I wonder if I really like ice cream or if I just like how delicious water tastes after.

House rules.

They got everything.

I brought a new book to read on this trip but it’s only nine inches tall and I’m five foot ten. I just can’t get into it.