Notices by I Has Wisdom (ihaswisdom@mastodon.social), page 3

Mountains aren't just funny, they are hill areas

What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.

What do you do when your bunny gets wet? You get your hare dryer.

Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.

Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour.

Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band.

What do computers and air conditioners have in common? They both become useless when you open windows.

My friend keeps telling me "Cheer up. You aren't stuck in a deep hole in the ground, filled with water."
I know he means well.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
-- John Milton

Where do cats write notes?
Scratch Paper!

I've just written a song about a tortilla. Well, it is more of a rap really.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain