Notices by I Has Wisdom (ihaswisdom@mastodon.social), page 4

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain

I burned 2000 calories today, I left my food in the oven for too long.

Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.

Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.

Velcro… What a rip-off.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we
are not the person involved.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?
They're really good at it.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain

I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.

Why are mummys scared of vacation? They're afraid to unwind.

I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

I ate a clock yesterday. It was so time consuming.

Coffee has a tough time at my house, every morning it gets mugged.