Notices by Preston von Gabbleduck (backupbear@aus.social)

Dear #Abyss Screamer,

We're excited to advise that when your Abyss Screaming Subscription renews at the end of the month, you'll be automatically upgraded to the latest AI-enhanced abyss.

#AI enhancements to the Abyss include:

- Analysis of scream levels and volume with feedback of screaming techniques that you may wish to consider in future.

- Insights into other common screaming techniques.

- A summary of your scream.

Additionally, if you're feeling time constrained, you can ask the Abyss to scream into itself so that you can keep working.

We're certain you'll find our new AI Enhanced Abyss an exciting addition to our Abyss portfolio. Please keep in mind that your Abyss Subscription will increase by $15 per month to take advantage of these new features.

For concerns or comments, please scream into the abyss.

[The abyss is not monitored and you will not get a reply.]

Cardinal: Survivor.

The 252 cardinals of the catholic church will now be dropped off onto a remote Fijian island in 4 teams of 63.

Over the next 4 weeks they'll compete in a grueling set of challenges with none of the modern comforts of home.

Who will be able to bless the boiled water into wine?

Who will be able to make a meal for their team from 5 small fishes?

Who will outlast, outwit and outplay until there is one sole cardinal crowned pope?

I wonder what will be the cutoff point where a tech giant decides to move its headquarters out of the USA.

Laptop sticker installed.

My goodness, a moron is dangerous enough being left in charge of a coffee order for a single flat white. But to put a narcissistic sociopathic moron in charge of an entire country ...

Them: "What day is it again?"
Me: "Blursday. It's definitely Blursday."
Them: "Ah, Thursday."
Me: "No, Blursday."
Them: "What's Blursday?"
Me: "When every day of the week blurs together because you've lost all sense of time."
Them: "So every day is Blursday?"
Me: "For sure."

Conversation this week:

Them: "How did you learn about regex? Javascript? Python?"
Me: "sed"
Them: "Oh I've not heard of that. Is that new?"
Me: <laughed in greybeard>

@Em0nM4stodon @otfrom I convinced some non-tech family members of this by explaining "Imagine if the government mandated that you kept a copy of your house keys in a box on the property that everyone knew about but the government would make illegal for anyone other than law enforcement to use."

lol, someone posing a question along the lines of "after you're laid off, how long should it be before you stop answering emails from former colleagues about projects you were working on?"

Honey, the answer is a femtosecond after they stop paying you.

I've always lived by the rule that you see the true measure of a person by how they treat people in the service industry – cleaners, waitstaff, etc.

But let me add, for those who are confused: you also see the true measure of a person if they do a Nazi salute.

Man who became a billionaire by erasing individual privacy annoyed his private words are becoming public.

https://www.404media.co/zuckerberg-says-everything-i-say-leaks-in-leaked-meeting-audio/

Apropos of {waves hands around}, everyone in global tech who has not read IBM and the Holocaust should fucking well hurry up and read it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IBM_and_the_Holocaust

Recommended reading:

#Ukraine #Freedom

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jan/24/vladimir-putin-ukraine-freedom-stability-wealth-war?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Listened to ABC News Radio this morning while doing PowerPlate. This involved a 5-minute sycophantic discussion about the Royal Cancer Recovery and how Kate had done it tough, enduring the "same challenges" as everyone else that goes through cancer.

With all due respect and sympathy for anyone suffering from cancer, it's a load of fucking bullshit to suggest that someone who has no concerns about continuity of income and who has an entire fleet of staff to take care of her needs has any fucking parallel to some poor bastard single parent who somehow has to keep working and providing for their kids while going through chemotherapy/etc.

Could. We. Stop. Pandering. To. These. Welfare. Parasites. Please.

Them: "Let's start this meeting by telling everyone a fun fact about ourselves. Preston, you can go first."
Me: "Sometimes I eat a slice of cheese by holding it carefully with both hands and nibbling away at the corners until it's a perfect circle before spinning it around and around nibbling more of it."
Them: "O....K.... I think we've done enough of that, let's get on to the meeting now."

Random ad on Facebook, "Gift the magic of Montblanc".

Honey, I'm not even willing to pay Montblanc prices for myself, let alone someone else. Wrong. Market.

Periodic holiday reminder to LGBTIQ+ folk with difficult family relationships that another interpretation of "blood is thicker than water" is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", meaning that chosen families based on shared bonds, adversity, etc., can be considered to be more important than classic familial relationships – you don't have to subject yourself to toxic holiday encounters just because "family", since other forms of family are equally valid.

New patient form for a medical appointment. Question: "What are your hobbies?"

Me: <skips question>

Gets to end of form. "You didn't fill out all the details."

Refers me back to the question, "What are your hobbies?"

Me: "Refusing to answer irrelevant questions on a new patient form."

Me: "#Frankenstein ... wow, what a monster."
Them: "That's a popular misconception, Frankenstein was the scientist."
Me: "That's a popular misconception. Frankenstein was the classic #techbro who didn't give a damn about the consequences of what he did and ignored all common ethical considerations. By all reasonable modern-day measures he was indeed the damn monster."

@georgetakei I mean the slogan to get it passed into law basically writes itself. "Your fingers will thank you."