What happens when I can’t decide whether I want coffee or tea?
Hell with it. I’ll have BOTH.
Traditionally, yeun-yeung is 3/4 Ceylon black tea and 1/4 coffee, and making the stuff properly can be a pain in the ass.
Thankfully, I don’t have to do any of that work because mine comes as a powder.
One teaspoon. 200 mL of boiled water. Give it a good, hearty stir.
Voila. Coffee and tea are now living in the same mug.
Now some of you are probably making a face.
“Ew. Gross. Coffee mixed with tea?”
Yeah, I won’t lie. It’s an acquired taste.
But after years of eating at Hong Kong cafés, I’ve come around to the stuff. It has KICK. Coffee comes through, tea comes through, and the whole thing gives you a little slap.
Drinking yeun-yeung builds character.
Only thing missing right now is some congee and a Chinese donut.
The whole thing has been sitting there ever since, still sealed in shrink wrap, while I kept telling myself I’d get around to it. I never did. I just wasn’t in the mood for old-timey black-and-white horror flicks.
And it’s not like the movies suck. There are 10 films in this thing, and 1 of them is Nosferatu, so there has to be more good movies in the box.
Anyway, this tin was made in 2005. It has been sealed shut for 21 years. That ends tonight.
I’m ripping the shrink wrap off and finally letting the monsters out.
The Trump Administration wants Canada to gut bilingual labels, strip French-language requirements from electronics and manuals, and put a leash on subsidies for French culture and French media online.
No wonder Carney walked.
Good.
Some things are not sitting on the bargaining table with a price tag tied to their ankle.
That’s the part the USA never seems to understand about Canada. We’re right next door, but sometimes they look across the border and see nothing but meat on a butcher’s scale: language, culture, identity.
They just see numbers, statistics, and leverage. Something to carve up if the deal is fat enough.
Then Canada says no, and suddenly Americans look surprised.
Coffee smell. Grey light through the window. Three women at the next table, all solidly middle-aged, talking loud enough that minding my own business becomes impossible.
They weren’t born yesterday. Fleece vest. Rings. Reading glasses. Phones facedown beside the coffee. Women who’ve already raised kids, buried pets, and survived men.
Then Fleece Vest says:
“I’m just saying, if you had to pick.”
Her friend looks up from her phone. “Pick what?”
“Lord of the Rings. Hottest one.”
My ears wake up.
“Legolas.”
Fleece recoils.
“Legolas?”
“Absolutely. Look at him.”
“Too pretty.”
“That’s the point.”
“He looks like a doll.”
“He looks like a very pretty doll with a bow.”
Now they’re both grinning.
Fleece shakes her head.
“Aragorn. The cloak. The sword. That’s a man.”
Phone isn’t moving an inch.
“Nope. Legolas.”
Jesus. It’s 9AM. We got our own Battle for Middle-Earth going on.
Fleece gives her another look.
“You can’t trust a man that pretty. My daughter dated a guy like that. Nightmare.”
Phone shrugs.
“Still Legolas.”
Fleece makes a face like she just bit into something bad.
Then they turn on Linda.
Linda has been stirring her coffee through all of this. Slow circles. Eyes down. Linda looks tired in a way sleep probably doesn’t fix.
“What about you, Linda?”
Nothing.
“Linda.”
“Mm?”
“Aragorn or Legolas?”
She stops stirring. Thinks. Shrugs.
“Gimli, I guess.”
Fleece Vest chokes. Phone drops her phone onto the table. I nearly lose my coffee.
“The dwarf?”
“Sure.”
“Linda, that’s sick.”
“He’s shaped like a fire hydrant!”
Linda doesn’t care.
“He’s funny.”
“Funny?”
“And loyal. He’d stick around.”
Fleece pauses.
“You’re picking Gimli because he’d stick around?”
Linda takes a sip.
“Nowadays? That counts for a lot.”
Now I’m looking into my cup because if I make eye contact with anybody I’m finished.
Phone leans toward Fleece.
“Something’s wrong with her.”
“Ever since the divorce.”
Linda takes a sip.
“It’s not the divorce.”
“It’s definitely the divorce.”
There’s a little silence.
Then Linda shrugs again.
“He’d be warm in winter. That’s all I’m saying.”
That kills me.
Fleece Vest stands up with her cup.
“I’m getting a refill. And I’m not sitting next to her anymore.”
Phone starts laughing.
Linda doesn’t.
She just keeps drinking, calm as hell, like the matter has been settled.
In person, I’m the nerd with the fire hose. Facts. Details. More details. One thing hooks into another and suddenly I’ve dumped the whole damn attic at your feet.
I wish I could stop doing it.
But autism. The machine runs how it runs.
Inside my head, though, none of this stuff is just stuff.
A record. A tea. An old machine. A bus ride. They’re little electric wires running backward through time. Touch one and something comes alive—a place, a person, an old version of me.
That’s what I’m always trying to explain.
Not the thing.
Why the thing has its teeth in me.
And somehow, when I open my mouth, out come the specifications.
The sun is up, the birds are screaming. Yes, screaming.
Seriously, I had a dream about sharing French toast with Jerry Garcia and he was screaming loudly in a panic—enough to wake me up, and I realized it was a sea gull above my window wailing and screaming its heart out. To hell with that bird.
And I had to SCRAPE MYSELF OUT OF BED like something they found stuck to the floor of a slaughterhouse.
My carcass wanted sleep. My brain wanted darkness. But somewhere out there a bunch of beautiful internet freaks were already gathering, so I poured myself into some clothes and joined the living.
And so far at FOSSY?
Great.
I’ve met people from all over the world. Different countries. Different accents. Different projects. People building things, breaking things, rebuilding things, and arguing passionately about extremely specific pieces of technology that 99.999% of humanity will never know exist.
In other words, my people.
Some are perfectly respectable, some suspicious, some absolute freaks.
Freaks like me.
The good kind.
The kind who get obsessed with some strange little corner of the universe and start digging until their fingernails come off.
So here I am, early Saturday morning, running on fumes and whatever electrical impulses are still jumping between the wet wires in my skull.
Right now I look like some Depression-era rail-yard ghoul who sleeps under bridges, eats beans out of a tin can, and hops freight trains whenever the moon tells him to.
A real boxcar Romeo.
Which sounds like a hell of a good time compared to my actual life.
Unfortunately, I have hopped exactly zero trolleys.
Putting the sauce in awesome! This is my own self-hosted single-user Akkoma + Mangane server. I primarily talk about the Fediverse, movies, books, photography, video games, music, working out, and general geekiness. I’m a proud husband and father.