Notices by Begrudging Recluse (begrudging_recluse@zeroes.ca)

I don't have any fond memories of the early pandemic days.

I still remember clearly, within one week of shit getting bad in Europe, the Dutch prime minister appearing in a national speech on television to tell the population to keep calm and let themselves get infected gradually for the sake of herd immunity.

My blood ran cold.

I called my parents, trying to convince them to not take that speech seriously, to stay at home, to avoid infection. They were already in doubt. Why would the government lie to them? Then I called my former best friend, ranting about how nuts that speech was. She too was already in doubt.

I knew then that I had already lost them, and that things would only get worse.

#covid #covid19 #CovidIsNotOver

"Within this framework of exclusion, where a population is rendered rightless, invisible, and subjected to permanent misery and isolation, the normalization of such practices, coupled with international inaction and indifference, allow a regime like Israel’s to exploit the state of exception in Gaza to test weapons, surveillance technologies, and political strategies of isolation and marginalization.

[...]

In the face of normalizing Gaza’s state of exception, and against the backdrop of consigning Gaza – and other Palestinian communities – to a perpetual hell of subjugation and oppression, sanitized by Israel’s manipulation, falsehoods, and continual efforts to trivialize Palestinian suffering, Gaza has stood up to reject the indefinite normalization of such a reality. For two million people to be consigned to a limbo of institutionalized marginalization and exclusion is untenable.

What lessons did Israel and its allies learn from Gaza’s uprising? They responded with increased violence, more killings, and greater destruction. For them, the notion that their blueprint for eternally subjecting people to blockade, isolation, and recurrent violence, while stripping them of their rights, could fail was inconceivable. Therefore, they shifted from their implicit and subtle tactics of control and violence to explicit, large-scale annihilation of life and its manifestations in Gaza – a conflagration that, if unchecked, is likely to spread to other parts of Palestine and potentially the wider region."

https://thejerusalemfund.org/2024/02/gaza-a-model-of-exclusion-and-its-implications-for-global-politics/

A short, interesting read. The mentioned essay from 2021 as well. Horrific precedents are being set by what's being allowed to happen, and I think many of us are not only feeling despondent because of all of the suffering in Gaza, but also because of the realization of what this is going to mean for so many more people, sooner rather than later.

#FreePalestine

Someone in my mother's family died, so my parents went to the cremation service two weeks ago. Unmasked. Then they fell ill quickly afterwards.

I only heard about it today. My mother is coughing and sounds out of breath, but she's still standing. My dad was way worse off. He has been in bed for over a week, he's had five days of 40C fever, his oxygen was below 90 and is still at only 93 right now. He can barely talk because being awake has him so out of breath. They sound so bad.

I'm so upset that they got this ill and didn't tell me until now. I'm upset that I didn't check in more often. I live several hours away and I call about once a month. I keep telling them: please mask, covid is still a thing. It's difficult that it's not easy for me to pop in help. I feel guilty for not being more involved. Two weeks ago I might've been able to push my dad to beg for paxlovid, but now he'll be too late and never get it.

I just ordered a box of supplements and had it delivered to them. I'll try to push them to take them to hopefully prevent more damage to their health, but maybe they won't. I'm also pleading for my dad to keep calling in sick to work, even though they're trying to force him to come in again. I'm trying to convince them to please not exercise for at least two months, please to try and get their ridiculously high heart rate down. It's hard to convince them that they need to seek medical care right away if my dad's oxygen gets that low again.

I have a difficult bond with my parents since covid started, but they're the only family my partner and I are in contact with. I don't want them to suffer and I'm so concerned for them. I hate always seeing them slowly decline, and now my father is so sick again. I feel like I'm always waiting for the call that one of them is in the hospital or has passed away. And what then? They're only in their 50s/60s.

#covid #covid19

New type of mask interaction today, when I had to go to the hospital for a yearly check-up (sadly unavoidable). Nobody wore a mask, not even medical personnel when they had to physically interact with patients. There was still disinfectant gel around, but I was the only one using it.

An unmasked nurse came to pick me up from the waiting room and when she dropped me off at the room, she pointed at my mask and said: "Miss?! Do you have corona?!"

I explained: "No, I'm trying to prevent it."

Her: "So you don't have any symptoms?"

Me: "No, none, just wearing this to protect myself."

Her: "Are you vulnerable?"

Me: "Yes."

Her: "Sorry about that, I just have to check when I see something, you know? With these new guidelines, anyone could be having corona anywhere! And most don't even wear a mask!"

Me: "True, I heard the coughing in the waiting room."

Her: "Yes! And they don't stay at home! They don't even mask! I bet people like you could use people like them like a tooth ache!"

Me: "Indeed, I wish people wore masks."

Her: "Unbelievable, such people!!! Coming here of all places!!! Anyway, I'll get the doctor, be right back."

I was kind of surprised that she felt so strongly about unmasked sick people (I'm used to everyone minimizing the severity or covid or claiming it's gone), but I was also annoyed that she wasn't masked herself either. I don't have energy for those types of conversations anymore though, I'm just trying to get in and out of the building as quickly as possible.

A little while later I was waiting in the treatment room for the doctor to arrive, when I saw the door open a tiny bit. I heard the same nurse explain to someone: "The patient is wearing a mask, but I checked and she doesn't have covid, she's just one of those vulnerables, you know? So don't worry, she's not sick."

Then the doctor came in, unmasked, and no further comment was made about my mask.

If only there was a simple way for all these medical people in the hospital to prevent the spread of covid to themselves and their patients... 🤡

#covid #covid19 #CovidIsNotOver #WearAMask

Little bit of background on experts in the news:

Back when I was still in university, sometimes my professors appeared in news articles. More often than not, they didn't appear, but the same 2-5 others experts of the country appeared (again and again and again).

As students we asked some professors how this all came to be. Who appeared where and how? We got the following explanation:

A news outlet decides they want to create an article or video. The tone and conclusion of the piece have already been decided. Then they contact many experts in that field. For example, a query they would send out is: "Hello, we're looking for experts to talk to about X."

Not many experts respond, but some do. The query they will get in response will be something like: "Thanks for your interest, we are looking for someone to confirm that X leads to Y and Z."

My professors told me that in their naive days, they would still keep interacting and correcting and suggesting other takes. "Actually, Y and Z aren't like that, it's too simplistic, but I could talk about A and B and how it leads to maybe Y in your article."

What would happen? They were ghosted of course. 😂

Among many experts, news outlets would eventually always find one or two people willing to confirm their shitty clickbait shit. And once these experts work along, they get contacted more frequently than others. Experts who keep correcting and being difficult, aren't contacted again.

I studied in a very niche field and I know all experts in that field in my country. I started to recognize who would work along and what they would gain from it. I now know who's blacklisted and who is being kept out of the news and why.

This has been in the back of my mind during the #pandemic. I assume things work the same way among virologists, epidemiologists, and other related experts. It's frustrating because they carry the title of expert, they come across as knowledgeable and the media spreads their words everywhere. It's made to appear as if these experts represent their whole field and all others in it.

But how many experts have these news outlets had to contact before finding someone who was willing to collaborate with their minimizing?

#covid #covid19 #CovidIsNotOver #COVIDisAirborne

Temperatures in Europe are going over 40C and fires are breaking out. The news about it is almost fully focused on how this will affect summer holiday fun.

I want to scream.

From yesterday's headline:

"Bosbrand op vakantie: hoe hou je het veilig en dekt je verzekering een annulatie of evacuatie?"

("Forest fires on holiday: how do you keep it safe and will your insurance cover cancellation or evacuation?")

#ForestFires #Europe #heatwave

I have to go in for an injection every four weeks. I visit my local clinic for these appointments. I'm masked, always, but there are no more masks in health care. Today's visit:

Nurse: So you still...

Me: I still what?

Nurse: *points at face*

Me: Sorry?

Nurse: You still wear a mask?

Me: I do.

Nurse: I see. You're going to have to take it off someday, though.

Me: No, I don't.

Nurse: It's mild now.

Me: They also said EBV is mild. I got it as a teenager and 15 years later I still have not recovered.

Nurse: Well...

Me: I have never beaten a bacterial infection without antibiotics. I have never been ill for less than two months with any viral infection. Everything up til now seriously knocks me down, like my medical file says. At least 10% of people still have symptoms six months after their covid infection. What does that mean for me? Why should I risk it?

Nurse: It's a really big offer to make, still wearing a mask.

Me: Actually it's really a very tiny effort to wear a mask.

Nurse: Do you wear that everywhere? Or just when you visit here?

Me: I wear it anywhere where people are, especially medical buildings where lots of sick people come to visit.

Nurse: So do you wear it at home as well?

Me: What? No. Why would I?

Nurse: Well, I don't know, since you seem to be wearing it everywhere.

Me: Could you please just use the syringe now?

Nurse: Okay, if you would rather wear a mask all the time than feel bad every once in a while...

Me: You know, I have to think about my income too. I'm a freelancer. Who's going to pay me when I'm sick in bed for at least three months? I don't get sick leave. Who's paying me? Will it be you?

Nurse: *silence*

Me: Anyway could you please do the injection and make a new appointment for August, many thanks.

😫

This is what being chronically ill is like now. I have 15+ years of bad experiences with medical personnel and their gaslighting, their withholding of care and their abuse. But it's frustrating to have another topic up for debate possibly every visit now.

#covid #covid19 #CovidIsNotOver #WearAMask

@antiall3s I know it's a ridiculous example and comparison, but I also keep thinking about people willing to give up their livelihoods, traveling for days, to for example help out their comrades in the Spanish Civil War, to build houses, to offer support. Leftists ending up in prison camps and still secretly organizing to help each other and save others. Such risk!

And I can't even get one 'leftist' asshole over here in this day and age to wear one measly mask when they leave the house. 🙄

@antiall3s I look up to so many anarchists of the previous century. Even state leftists did so many impressive things. The 20th century is full of leftist solidarity and organizing. I read their texts and it has improved my life, my knowledge, my well-being so much.

It just saddens me that nowadays I'm mostly a tankie-and-anarchists-and-other-'radicals'-avoider. I'm too worn out. They aren't even sorry for their ableism. It's just excuses or ignoring the issue. It's so surprisingly spineless!

@antiall3s Radical st. leftists & anti-st. leftists have both given me so much grief, I've given up on labeling myself and belonging somewhere.

Being 'in the group' seems to make one vulnerable to going along with bad ethics. "We're the good guys so our (collective) actions can't be bad" or "some sacrifices must be made".

It's sad, without organizing nothing will ever improve. But 'comrades' tell me I must give up health for their freedoms? No thanks. Just can't call myself anarchist anymore.