Notices by Luna ♾️ (lunaceleste@calc.moongirl.io)

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this several times before but I do really wonder what it would have been like if I had a proper understanding of trans people when I was in middle school praying to wake up a girl.

My stipulation was that I only wanted to do it for a day so that I'd know what it was like. But I've identified as a trans woman for a few years, I've more or less been open about it online for 2, and I've been on HRT for 1 year and two days. If I got that for one day when I was 11 or 12 I'd want to old onto it for longer.

But I didn't really understand what being trans was. I wasn't that familiar with the idea. I knew of sex change operations and I had considered it as something I could potentially do if I really wanted so I wasn't opposed to that for me. But I thought I'd always be a guy.

If trans stuff were as spoken about back then as it is today, even with all the scary shit, I think having access to that knowledge would have given me greater context towards my own yearnings. In some ways I'm glad I was unaware. I don't have what the DSM would classify as dysphoria but if I knew I don't know if that would have continued to be the case.

When I was finally aware presenting the lie that was my male personal got harder. If I have to give this up now it will make me miserable. I probably wouldn't have been able to so much as get puberty blockers and I'd probably have suffered more abuse and bullying from family and family of family. And if I kept it to myself then I'd have been forced to live what I would then know to be a lie.

So in a way I'm glad ignorance forced me to wait.

But I shouldn't have had to.

@miriamrobern@dice.camp I mean it's perfectly normal to have thoughts and fantasies whee you get some sort of magical sex change uwu

I mean, everyone knows what it's like to have lasting thoughts like that, right? It's not like that could mean anything.

@AnCuRuadh@awwter.online @miriamrobern@dice.camp You know I never thought about WHAT I'd wear, but I did really wanna wear women's clothes.

And now I'm living the dream -w-