Notices by Mama's Pinky Toe (mamaspinkytoe@mastodon.world)

You toucha my hair, I cutta your face!
- my famous Sophia Loren impression

I have solved the trolley problem with a Gatling gun. You can solve lots of problems with a Gatling gun.

Knick-knack paddywhack is a gateway to BDSM.

If I converted to Judaism, it would mostly be for the space laser.

I'm working hard to get my beached whale bod ready for summer.

"Assignment: Athens"
- You there. What is your name? What do you do here?
- Nick. I am the pool boy.
- Not anymore. You are now my personal secretary. Come.
- Yes, Madam Ambassador.

Are you an sickly, elderly, very rich person with viperous, ungrateful relatives? Has it occurred to you that the greatest pleasure remaining to you would be to will your entire estate to an internet rando? Well, here's something you should know—I AM AN INTERNET RANDO.

To-Do List
1. Success
2. Revenge
3. Daiquiris

An employer cannot ask you to prove you're potty-trained. They just have to take your word for it.
#KnowYourRights

You gotta fight (THUMP THUMP)
for your right (THUMP THUMP)
to BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIIIIIIIP.

A strongman plus a stupid man equals a stupid strongman. Vladimir Putin plus Steven Seagal equals Donald Trump.

NORMAL CONGRESSIONAL HEARING
- Did you write theses racist posts?
- I can explain.

MAGA CONGRESSIONAL HEARING
- Did you write these racist posts?
- Damn straight.

@ptoothfish
Mom: I heard you wanted a Flipper Zero.
PTFish: Mom! You're the best.
Mom: So I got you a fidget spinner. The man at the store said it's practically the same thing.

No, Donald. Not even with the hand. That part is over for us.
- Melania T.

A lot of people are catching on to what A FRAUD TINA FEY IS when she stopped wearing her Tina Fey smart person glasses. "I'm so smart, I don't have to wear smart person glasses anymore." Think again, TINA FEY!
Also, I think that at some time Tina Fey and I will become close personal friends.

He's simply got too many dollars to think properly.

Has anyone calculated Elon Musk's ratio of dollars to brain cells? I have! It's 5.079.

The Osmond family is like a golf ball in that each has exactly 336 dimples.

Henceforth this account will be devoted to positive, beautiful, and informative content. Also fart jokes.

Wanderlust is when you go backpacking in India. Wandalust is when you have the hots for Wanda. They're completely different things.