Notices by David Todd McCarty (davidtoddmccarty@me.dm)

I’m so pissed at Medium. Ready to kill two of my publications and resign my ability to nominate stories. I’ve had it.

#Writing

@WarnerCrocker David Sedaris says that when he was young, they weren’t allowed to say “Shut up,” but by the time his little brother came along it had become perfectly acceptable to shout “Shut the fuck up.”

“No smoking pot” became “No smoking pot in the house” before finally settling on “Please don’t smoke any more pot in the living room.”

@WarnerCrocker Oh, I moved out and they paved the driveway, got an automatic garage door, and cable television. I was second oldest. The younger kids actually went on vacation to somewhere other than a relative’s house.

@WarnerCrocker Our main phone was in the kitchen as well, with the ridiculously long cord that you stretch either into the basement or up the back stairs. I guess the first big move was adding other extensions. More than one phone?! Are you mad?!

@WarnerCrocker No doubt. On the reverse side, my mother would field calls from girls for me and wrinkle her brow over these presumptuous hussies calling her son. It was far too forward for her. :)

We’re talking middle school. Our only opportunity to “hang out” apart from school was limited to a handful of after school functions a year. Rolling Rink Night. The big Quilt Auction and BBQ. Risqué stuff.

That’s when I began riding my bicycle miles and miles to meet up with girls and friends.

@WarnerCrocker At that time, I was going to a Mennonite school, and many of the students lived fairly far flung, so that they weren’t considered local calls, so we had to wait until after 7pm to call them, or risk long distance charges. We’re probably talking 30 miles.

I remember when my family first got Call Waiting and Three Way Calling. Mind blowing. “Hold on. I’ve got another call. <pause> Hey. I’m back. I’ve got Jenny on the other line. I’ll connect us.”

Then later, for some reason, I got my own phone line. There were six kids. Why me? I guess it was just in my room. The reason was the other phone was for business. Until they finally got rid of their landline a few years ago, my old number was my parent’s main house number.

215.368.9426

#LandLine

I once filmed a commercial in Chicago featuring a real-life Santa. Meaning, he was a dude with a real white beard who got paid to play Santa. He was an ex-policeman in Chicago. A real neighborhood guy. Sneaking cigarettes and racist as fuck. It was a trip.

Chicago always reminded me a lot of Philly and New York. It’s got a lot of, “Hey Santa, ya fat fuck. How ya doin?”

Client presentation in a half hour. Wish me luck.

Isn’t mediation just doing something different? It’s not doing nothing. Even sleeping is something.

Imagine what the 9th grader in you, circa 1983, would have thought seeing someone efficiently operating an iPad. Swipe, touch, pinch, pull. Lightyears beyond anything we’d seen on Star Wars. Pure science fiction. Then talking to it, if you liked. Asking it questions? Having it answer you.

Oh. That was probably but everyone thought it would be like. Still no flying cars or decent sex robots.

Just the same level of hate, cruelty, and shit, though.

I signed up for a Bluesky account just to squat on my name. I also have one on Threads. No plan to really use either of them at the moment, but if things really do “bridge,” I guess I’ll post to all three if it means wider distribution for my writing. I can’t see spending time on more than one, though. But I guess you never know what’s going to happen. I certainly don’t.

They’re all under @davidtoddmccarty

My wife always wants to know what my plans are for the weekend, as if she doesn’t already know there aren’t any. What I think she means is, is there anything I want to do, maybe a place I’d like to go or something I’d like to do?

There was a time when I had plans. I had a photoshoot scheduled, or someone to interview, a tee time perhaps, or an agreement to go surfing with a friend. I no longer have any plans.

#Writing #Humor #Memoir #MentalHealth https://abitdodgy.uk/were-all-just-killing-time-8d71a6f704b0

It seems to me that most of what constitutes common human endeavor, outside of any labor required to keep the lights on, is an elaborate orchestration designed to kill time, and I don’t see a lot of passion for how most people spend it.

Now that I’ve given up news and politics, I’m trying to figure out how to fill the massive void in my life. So far, I haven’t come up with anything.

#Memoir #Humor #Writing #Philosophy

https://abitdodgy.uk/were-all-just-killing-time-8d71a6f704b0

If you’re wearing sunglasses, indoors, as a guest on a podcast, you need to reevaluate your life. If you’re wearing sunglasses indoors, you’re a tool, period.

@WarnerCrocker It’s funny. I was just listening to Marc Maron talk to David Cross and they were talking about podcasting during the pandemic, etc…How much everything became a Zoom call. And I thought, I have all this podcast equipment. Maybe I should try it again. The problem was always scheduling. I was doing it with guests in my home. A few call-ins from Kandahar, but mostly in person.

If I could figure out a way to do it with decent production value, which means video now, I would do it.

Jesus, it’s only 7:30? Come on. I’m just trying to get through the days. Haven’t quite figured out how to fill the time. I might need a hobby. Nothing mentally stimulating. Like working part time at a saw mill, or a high level intelligence job at the Pentagon.

I’ve always wanted to work at McDonald’s just to see what it was like, and I keep waiting for my chance to do jury duty. Ya gotta have dreams.

Maybe tomorrow.

I’ve been reading “The Best American Food Writing of 2018” and you can’t believe how long many of the stories are. You get like six to eight pages in on soybean farmers and you think. Ok, enough of that. Then there’s fifteen more pages. It’s like they’re all 8k word Atlantic articles.

#FoodWriting

I know it’s considered a big deal in certain communities, but I’ve never quite understood the attraction to Mac & Cheese. Of all the comfort foods, this one delivers the least for me. I can’t believe people eat it on Thanksgiving. Yet another carb?

Maybe I’m not getting the good stuff.

@WarnerCrocker My brother just told me that Dak was out, his reasoning for the betting line.

“I’m sure we’ll stumble across the end zone by accident often enough to win,” I told him.

I swear we’re trying to lose and can’t quite manage it most of the time.