@nugger @moomin @yockeypuck Again, nothing changed. I attempted to conquer it through what my parents and church deemed secular methods, failed, and was told to not pursue such methods again because it, "was not trusting God's plan." Around this time, COVID happened, and church stopped, so I picked up guitar to continue worship via song because it was becoming the only method through which I felt even slightly spiritually alive. Nothing changed. This continued for about 3 years. The reality of the relationship that I thought was there gradually became apparent. I became severely depressed because I did not feel that I was getting any closer to the righteousness that I wanted. The second to last piece of wisdom I got was to attempt to view my sin from the perspective of grace, as if I had already been freed from it. Needless to say, this did not work, although for a little while it helped the depression.
The final piece of wisdom from my church was a referral to Romans 8:28 and Paul's letters. I was told that this sin would be a "thorn in my side" and it may never come out, but that it was there for a reason. They told me to focus on my relationship with Jesus and eventually he would take care of it. I just needed to trust him.
It was at that point that I realized christianity was not for me. I longed for righteousness, not a relationship. The church had told me that the latter would result in the former. My personal experience showed me otherwise.