L.J. is reading the DaodejingFor instance, I used to be ashamed that I don't want to leave the house most days or interact with non-family people face-to-face. That's not what Real Adults are like, right, we're supposed to go out there and be productive members of society... right?
Writings and conversations on disability helped me recognize that this was a one-size-fits-all, ableist assumption. Like there was no way I could moralize the expectations productive adulthood without devaluing and infantilizing people who can't leave the house, or have difficulty doing so. Even if I excused it as "Well that's different--they have no choice, I do!" I would still be saying they are basically derelicts who are excused by their conditions. And I didn't want to be like that. In order not to be a bigot I had to be kind to myself, too.
The realization forced me to change my ingrained notions of adulthood and acceptability, and to confront hard questions about my energy and comfort levels. This process, too, was helped by watching my disabled friends manage their lives and energy, with the underlying philosophy the point was not to meet outside expectations but to do what worked for them. It changed my life and helped me release a lot of internalized shame.
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