In the meantime, I decided to look for other things to do. And then I brutally remembered that in this world, people like my current boss (I still think of him as my boss given I'm not truely out of a job, just out of actual work to do right now) are a miracle. You'd think they don't actually exist if you've never seen them, and you'd be forgiven for thinking that way.
So I decided to see about working for nextcloud. It seemed like a good idea at the time, plus I know someone who's regularly in touch with the lead of the accessibility team.
We drafted an email to her, and we made sure to mention that what I could help with was actual accessibility testing and suggesting things. Not the coding. And at first, I dared to be hopeful. I thought, this might actually go through and tie me over until I get back to my embedded Linux job!
After only 5 messages exchanged, in which she asked at every chance if I was a coder despite being told multiple times I wasn't, I finally got my answer.