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I told my therapist that I spent most of my life in Singapore in a hyper competitive girls school where you were supposed to be super rich and hot and super put together in a very femme cis Chinese Singaporean woman way (skinny and elegant) and I always felt like I was missing a manual. It also didn’t help that I felt like I was mocked for being different (body type and lack of interest in looking like I was ready to marry some rich dude’s heir), so I always rejected the performance of that type of gender.

Now I realize there are other ways to gender, and it’s been freeing. But it doesn’t undo the trauma