Embed Notice

Today I did two things that are really hard for me.

1. I got a hair cut: I am autistic and I have gender dysphoria and I don’t like eye contact and I don’t like to be perceived. In a mirror. I found a gender-affirming hair stylist in a super queer salon that literally had trans flags everywhere (I hate women’s hair salons as a site of performative cis femininity), and I felt better about it. The stylist was also used to ND people who can’t describe their physical desires or interests or what they want to look like and she made me feel safe. I was happy with what I got

2. I got new clothes: same as above. I hate shopping, passionately, but was wanting a change for various reasons. I decided to approach it with the mindset of ‘here’s a thing I don’t know how to do / have never enjoyed, can I try it out like something new I’ve never done?’ I went to a thrift that was more spacious than usual, that I know has better quality materials. I asked my wife to help. We found a few things I liked, that worked for me.

I was telling my hairstylist that I resent these things so much, I’d rather go to the dentist than cut my hair or shop.