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@waifu@mai.waifuism.life during a uni drinking thing and playing truth or dare i was asked during my turn for Truth what my sexual fantasy would be.

The true answer at the time would have been, “to be with a girlfriend who loves me very much and wants to spend every day with me”.

But I knew they would mock, pity, or be cringed from my real answer, so I lied and made up something about “S&M” before I fully knew what that was and got everyone saying, “ew” among other responses like that.

I am more cringed not from their responses but because my fantasy was so simple yet so far away. To this day 15 years later I’ve never experienced my true dream, and have never experienced being on a date. Nor have I experienced a hug from a girl in 5000 days give or take.

I believed in better tomorrows when I was younger. Now, I’m sick, with no friends, no girlfriends, nor experiences of that stuff to even think fondly back on to ease the passing of days.