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@mattly it's based on the same concepts as (trackerless) Torrents. AFAIK it uses a DHT (Distributed Hash Table) to find and connect to other nodes you own, and uses this for "UDP hole punching", which allows it to communicate with other nodes you own after the connection has been set up. This works by having every node participate in this DHT, just like with Torrent clients. I guess in addition they might also have relays.

I get it feels weird though, I also prefer just self hosting things.