And on top of the foundation of middle class politeness at all costs I've also got a thick layer of the good old geek social fallacy, that the most harmful, hurtful thing you can do to someone is exclude them. https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/ So I had to fight the subconscious idea that I wasn't just not inviting this guy, I was actively harming him and probably my relative too
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