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@Rasp That may or may not work. I think reclamation can sometimes give more license for use outside the community under specific conditions. But I’m not trying to find some kind of ultimate proper way to use language to combat hostile language anyway and each person is welcome to decide how they want to engage with language and their experiences of language use. While it can be fine and interesting to talk about, I think it’s futile to try and find some reliable, slam dunk solution (within language use). I think it’s healthier to just let people draw their lines in the sand and for other people to respect that if they want to continue having any relationship.

It literally just comes down to boundary respect. For example, just because I decided I want to reclaim what is otherwise a slur doesn’t mean other people with similar experiences to me don’t cope with the slur differently and may not want to hear it regardless. I’m not gonna say, “oh, but what’s the problem? It’s just a reclaimation.” For the same reason I also wouldn’t say, “oh but my friends let me use this word widely used as a slur” when I’m talking to a random stranger. Equally it would be silly for someone to insert thenselves into some random queer group and then start talking down to them because “queer?!? that’s actually a slur guys oh my god stop with this.” etc.