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@aintasenatorson of course the people involved won't *say* "our community space got destroyed because one guy shouted over a girl once ". they will say oh I just got burned out, I'm so tired, I have to work tomorrow, I don't have the kapas etc. and mysteriously everyone feels like that in the immediate aftermath of callout drama, and the group gets dissolved.

but they never question *why* everyone feels like they're stepping on eggshells all the time, why these spaces that should have been healing are instead so draining. when the only conflict resolution tool you have is ostracism, every conflict looks like abuse, and every group interaction feels like danger. weakness-as-identity plays a role here too: people think they're tired all the time because their brains were born broken; they get highkey offended at the suggestion that trauma can be *handled*, that resilience can be learned, practised, increased; they don't ever question the relationship between subjective states and material circumstances. meanwhile the bodies pile up at the walls of the Fortress, dead eyes staring mutely at the preoccupations of the insiders.

I forgot who was it who said, "safe space is a practice of warfare or it doesn't exist". the only possible safe space is a space where you have the safety of not getting thrown to the enemy, a space where people go, "we're big kids and we can solve our own problems". all other promises of safety are lies.