I wasn't a human child when I was growing up.
I was an object who was treated like an extension of my father's fragile male ego.
You don't get to be who you are or who you want to be. You get to be what your parent insists on, and if you don't, abuse and suffering are the result.
So, you try to be what they want you to be.
I was his property.
And I'm glad my owner died in 1989.