Try to break your propaganda.
Go against the information flow to de-cia yourself. Don't accept what you've been told to understand.
Read commies.
Start with the founder of American paleoconservativism, James Burnham.
Easy route:
Samuel T Francis' Power and History.
https://annas-archive.li/md5/ed98cae16986cf8a4ed2e0a1b7584f6a