@mint I was pulling post text out of the db for a separate application, see dsmc logs.
Just yanking posts out is fast but not deterministic, which I need in order to paginate through query results in the client program, which I'm doing to not pull 64000 posts in one go.
I'm not sure if I shouldn't just suck it up, technically I already did what I wanted, it was just too slow for me to be satisfied.