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@MisuseCase I agree with you, and you said it so well.

I am the head of the pack (in my polycule/family). If we're buying a house I choose it. If we're getting dinner I get first pick. We didn't sit down and agree to it, the hierarchy emerged. We're disgustingly happy in it, so idk what to tell people who believe otherwise. Acknowledging where we actually stand, and how we actually use our relational power, made things Just Work in a way that trying to let my Gen X husband have seniority and be "head of household" never did.