age gaps are also only one part of the equation and really have a lot to do with normative ideas of the timescale for a person's development taking place and different stages of that

a 20 year old who has been out for less than a year is probably not going to have had the same experiences as a 30 year old who has been out for almost a decade and had their whole life destroyed by stupid queer drama, but really, that's the biggest determining factor. unless you're a jaded, miserable bitch who doesn't even remember what it was like to once believe it was possible to live a decent life, I will on a fundamental level never be able to relate to you