I quite understand.
+ if you're me, and grew up in an atmosphere of 'all pr0n is bad, SWers must be saved from themselves, the male gaze is inherently evil, trans women are sick perverts, etc, etc, fkn etc' then one has a lot to debug.
Nonetheless, an example of what the female gaze might look like, and that it's _my_ gaze, is a powerful understanding.