omg I love this, chapter 2 as recalled by Trump

Chapter 2
THE SHADOW OF YESTERYEAR

The chit-chat about Mr. Bilbo Baggins' second vanishing act didn't quiet down in nine days, heck, not even in ninety-nine. The whole Shire, from Hobbiton to the far reaches, buzzed about it for a solid year and a day, and the tale stuck around much longer than that. It turned into a cozy fireside yarn for the little hobbits, and before you knew it, Mad Baggins, the fellow who'd pop off with a boom and a dazzle and come back with his pockets bulging with sparklers and gold, became a top-notch legend, outliving the real skinny by a country mile.

Meanwhile, the local consensus was that Bilbo, who was always a few sandwiches short of a picnic, had finally lost his marbles for good and scampered off into the wild blue yonder. Out there, he surely took a tumble into some pond or river and met a dramatic, though not exactly premature, curtain call. And who got the finger pointed at 'em for this? Mostly Gandalf.