@lisamelton @Terra Oh, yes, I do very much know those things, and I'm mostly trying to share these sorts of things out loud in the hopes someone else can feel less alone when they doubt.
The HRT thing, BTW, is really about two things-- (1) how heavily transfeminine discourse centers on it (2) like many enbies, I'm made up of passionate and conflicting desires, and a loud and large minority of my psyche would love HRT.