@Terra This. 💯
It's a conversation I've had with myself lying awake in bed more than once. Way more than once, sadly.
I joked with my therapist once that it seems like all of us do this to ourselves. She shrugged and said, "Well, that sounds normal then."
Anyway, you're right. It doesn't really matter. I like myself as a woman much than a sad old man.
Keep speaking truth, sister. We need you here.