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We decided to just use the pronouns that “go” with my kid’s genitals for a couple of reasons, but we’re trying to remember and continue advocating, to others but much more importantly, to them, that they can be anything they want, including trans if that is what they want and who they are. Even so, I find myself using gendered language in an overly familiar way that bugs me when I look at it through the lens of queerness and all I’ve learned from trans friends and family. Stuff like “thattaboy” and thinking fondly of them as “my son”, one in a long line of men unbroken back through my father’s father etc. Sentimental, and might even be harmless, but insidious. I’m trying to remember, this kid has the whole world in front of them, genders included. My job is to keep that world wide and beautiful and interesting and safe and fun and true for as long as possible, and let them make the choices, just as long as they don’t become a cop or a soldier. So I’m trying to shift my language. Instead of “my beautiful son” “my beautiful child” No “what a sweet boy” but “what a sweet baby.”

This is me trying to give my kid the whole world. Why should femininity or trans ness or non binary life be off the table, just cuz I’m using he/him?